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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24210004">A Drop Into The Ocean</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeanstielsDaughter/pseuds/DeanstielsDaughter'>DeanstielsDaughter</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alex Jones - Freeform, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Divergent, Comforting Castiel (Supernatural), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hunters &amp; Hunting, Hurt/Comfort, Jody Mills - Freeform, M/M, Minor Dean Winchester/Original Male Character(s), Minor Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Minor Garth Fitzgerald IV/Bess Myers, Minor Kaia Nieves/Claire Novak, Original Character(s), Saileen - Freeform, Sick Dean Winchester, Sickfic, Werewolf Garth Fitzgerald IV, brothers fighting, claire novak - Freeform, sam winchester/eileen leahy - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:08:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>30,398</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24210004</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeanstielsDaughter/pseuds/DeanstielsDaughter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Dean are injured and at odds with one another after a failed werewolf hunt, but it's also more than that. Castiel realizes there are a few things he would like to admit. Dean starts to come to the same realization about himself after having a few guiding voices along the way. Meanwhile, Sam has his own feelings to navigate, feelings he, surprisingly, hasn't felt in years, and wants to continue feeling.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>73</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>123</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"You would think by now that you would learn not to provoke the things we're hunting."</p><p>Sam grunted, limping ever so slightly every time he moved. He and Dean had just gotten into a small town in Montana and already they'd somehow managed to piss off not only the local law enforcement, but also the werewolves that said law enforcement seemed to have, lucky for them, not come face to face with yet.</p><p>It had led to a few unfortunate endings for the locals themselves though. This was where the brothers had come in, unceremoniously, in the middle of the night two days before a full moon in hopes of eliminating yet another problem regular humans couldn't handle.</p><p>Dean gritted his teeth, grabbing at his nearly shredded arm, and stumbling over towards the dingy motel sink. The iron-like smell of blood hung fresh in the air and Dean nearly gagged because of it. Flashbacks of the latest hunt came to him in waves, his stomach flipped, but he managed to keep it together long enough to thrust his arm up under cold water and though the stinging came first, the ice cold water eventually started to numb him.</p><p>"Some soap on that will help," Sam muttered.</p><p>Dean hadn't said a word to him since they had started the actual hunting of the werewolves. It was petty, the arguing that had ensued, and now Dean's silence, but he didn't care much.</p><p>"Some soap," Dean said, letting out a frustrated sigh and staring Sam in the eyes. "My entire damn arm is shredded, and your only suggestion is some soap?"</p><p>"It's just if you clean the wound first," Sam stopped, dropping his gaze to the floor. Some of Dean's initial anger faded at the sight of his little brother, clearly upset, or embarrassed about the situation.</p><p>"Never mind." Sam finished.</p><p>Dean debated apologies, but first he needed to be stitched up. Sam's limp would heal faster. He'd fallen hard on his hip during their escape. No doubt it was bruising already, but he'd live.</p><p>Dean, on the other hand, was looking at some serious blood loss and perhaps loss of consciousness if he didn't fix himself soon.</p><p>After making it to the bathroom, Dean turned on the bathroom fan, and stared at himself in the mirror a for moment. His fingers tightly gripped the edge of the sink, as both of his arms trembled, one more so than the other. The mirror seemed blurry, or maybe that was the latent nausea and blood loss talking.</p><p>The hunt came back to him in his mind. Two shrieking siblings, both children, whose throats were ripped out before the brothers' eyes before they could move a muscle to help. Dean had simply stared in awe and shock as the wolf who'd done it had smiled. He'd smiled at the carnage and a child was dead. His companion had done the same to the other kid.</p><p>A coppery taste filled Dean's mouth and he reeled to the right, face in the toilet bowl, as the contents of lunch from earlier came up. His legs shook, his knees dug into the tile. He dug them harder. He deserved to hurt.</p><p>He deserved it after not saving those kids just like he'd promised.</p><p>He'd sworn to their parents they'd come home safe.</p><p>Dean tried to stand and suddenly felt he was being assisted. He was simply too drained, too tired to act as though it might have been an enemy. He simply leaned into the figure and when it spoke, he felt embarrassed.</p><p>"Are you alright Dean?" Castiel's gravelly voice echoed through the bathroom. Dean felt as though he was swimming through water. His ears rang in an almost unnatural way with no clear cause. Grief did weird things, even if the grief wasn't entirely one's own.</p><p>Dean didn't say anything, Castiel didn't ask again. He already knew the answer.</p><p>"As you already have learned," Castiel held his hand up towards Dean's injured shoulder and arm. "This will hurt just a little."</p><p>The typical bright white light emitted from Castiel's hand reached Dean's skin and started to burn as it attempted to mend the mangled flesh. Dean sucked in a sharp breath and gritted his teeth again. He was slowly getting used to this. Castiel usually insisted on it instead of a human's regular way of healing.</p><p>His skin veered back together like two cars crashing and Dean looked down as it did, feeling slightly nauseous again, but managing to keep it together. Sam, luckily, had not been scratched by one of the wolves. A scratch wasn't deadly, wasn't worthy enough for turning, but if a werewolf was strong enough it was definitely known to make a hunter feel less than well for at least twenty-four hours.</p><p>"Is Sam alright?" Castiel asked, his hand lingering where he had just mended Dean. Once upon a time there had been a raised red scar of a handprint there.</p><p>"Bruised," Dean replied. "But he'll live."</p><p>"I will heal him as well," Castiel nodded. "Your injuries just seemed more…dire at the moment."</p><p>Castiel cocked his head and stared again at Dean's arm.</p><p>"I'll be sure to tell Sam he should die a little more next time," Dean chuckled. "Maybe then he'll get the good stuff."</p><p>Dean hesitated to speak again, licking his lips as he contemplated the words he'd just said and how weird they must have sounded.</p><p>"At least your humor is intact." Castiel continued to stare at Dean as the hunter wiped off his face with fresh water and inspected the rest of his arm. Dean hesitantly removed his shirt, looking at himself in the mirror. There were more cuts, just from sticker bushes instead of monsters. All in all, Dean hurt.</p><p>"At least you understand humor now," Dean replied. His entire body felt as though it was on fire. "No offense Cas, but bedside manner wasn't very becoming of you in the beginning."</p><p>"None taken," Castiel continued to stare and Dean felt his heart start to beat in an unnatural way as he reached into the shower to start some hot water. "I am well aware of the way I used to be."</p><p>A moment of awkward silence passed.</p><p>"I see now you wish to bathe," Castiel bowed his head. "I'll take my leave. Is there anything you need? Food?"</p><p>"Yeah," Dean said. "Painkillers too while you're at it. I'm in for a rough night."</p><p>Dean regarded the angel as he nodded in response to the request. His tired blue eyes, lingering over Dean's torso. A trained gaze, searching for further injuries Dean was too proud to reveal. The hunter still felt a strange warmth radiating from where Castiel had healed him.</p><p>"As you wish Dean," Castiel said before starting to leave. "I'll be back in a moment."</p><p>The angel left and the door shut behind him. Soon Dean was in a steamy bathroom, drinking in the warmth from the shower. His muscles burned and screamed, but he managed to stay upright. Soaping up his hair and body proved to be difficult, with each movement causing shooting pain through his arms.</p><p>Closing his eyes was harder.</p><p>He still saw the kids. Screaming and begging for help and mercy.</p><p>Dean grasped his face with his full hand, as though anybody could see any tears that had begun to fall or sobs that escaped his mouth.</p><p>***</p><p>When Castiel found Dean again, he was sitting outside on the motel's patio, in one of those crappy plastic half broken chairs, drinking a beer.</p><p>"Are you sure you should be doing that?" Castiel asked, taking a seat in the chair beside him, looking down at his butt when the plastic thing made a questionable noise.</p><p>Dean ignored him.</p><p>"Your internal temperature has risen a bit," Castiel observed. "Your eyes have a slightly glassy sheen to them."</p><p>"I'm familiar with werewolf poisoning okay," Dean replied. "I'll get through it. Besides, beer kills the pain."</p><p>"So will the medicine I bought," Castiel sternly replied. "At least get some food and tell Sam what's happening before he worries about you even more than he already is."</p><p>Castiel stood up to leave, but Dean's mildly pitiful sounding voice stopped him.</p><p>"He's worried about me?"</p><p>Castiel paused, looking at Dean as though he'd lost his mind.</p><p>"Of course, he's worried about you," Castiel chastised Dean. "The two of you apparently haven't spoken so much as a word to one another except on this hunt. What the hell happened?"</p><p>Dean didn't reply. He took another sip of his beer and looked down at a rolly polly on concrete that had curled itself up into a ball. That was about how he felt. His body was starting to ache even more than before, and he could feel the chills from a low-grade fever coming on.</p><p>"You said you brought burgers?" Dean asked, whining a little when he got up from his chair.</p><p>"I remembered your affinity for them," Castiel nodded and held the sliding glass door open for Dean.</p><p>"I appreciate your memory then." Dean smiled and walked over to the motel's makeshift kitchen. At least every little shithole they'd stayed in had had a kitchen of sorts.</p><p>"I see you haven't lost your appetite yet." Sam commented quietly from the table, as he uncomfortably shifted in his seat.</p><p>"That usually comes later," Dean said, taking a giant bite of the burger, despite the latent nausea he was having. "I think I'll survive."</p><p>"One could only hope." Sam replied and let out a deep sigh before turning back to his books, but barely focusing.</p><p>"Am I missing something here?" Castiel asked, clearly aggravated at the brother's behavior.</p><p>"I would ask Dean about that one." Sam shrugged and limped over to the door. "I'll be back in a little bit. I'm going get some things from the store. Dean's gonna need them."</p><p>Sam left the motel room, leaving Dean and Castiel alone. The pair didn't exchange many words as Dean choked down what was left of his burger and started towards his bed.</p><p>"Your temperature has continued to increase." Castiel noted.</p><p>"How do you know that?" Dean asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed, and fluffing up one of the pillows.</p><p>"You forget that I am connected to you via the mark I left," Castiel motioned towards Dean's arm where what was left of the handprint was simply bits of a white scar. "I can tell everything that is happening to you at any given time."</p><p>"Well gee," Dean scoffed. "Thanks for the heads up, Cas. That's kind of creepy if you think about it."</p><p>"Well it does come in handy when either you or Sam injures yourselves," Castiel commented. "Which seems to be on a pretty regular basis."</p><p>"Alright, Dr. Sarcasm," Dean groaned and leaned back into the pillow. "I'm gonna get some shut eye. Tell Sam not to be loud when he comes in."</p><p>Dean's was out the moment his head hit the pillow.</p><p>***</p><p>It was late into the night and Castiel was worried.</p><p>Not that much more so than usual when it came to the Winchesters, but Dean's condition had proven that his pride ran deeper than his logic.</p><p>Dean was covered in sweat, tossing, and turning in a fitful sleep. His breathing remained steady, but his body temperature had soared. Castiel did his best to try and keep it down without disturbing the man's rest, but it was hard. Hard to watch him lay there and suffer. All he could do was try and make Dean comfortable the few times he had woken up. Castiel hadn't been running at full capacity for a while, but he felt as though he was totally useless in this particular situation.</p><p>"Cas…" Dean whined.</p><p>Castiel was immediately alert, watching the hunter turn towards him in bed.</p><p>"Feel like shit…"</p><p>"I know Dean," Castiel sighed, feeling helpless. "You've taken all the medicine you can without killing yourself. I am doing my best to keep your fever low. You have to rest."</p><p>"Sammy okay?" Dean asked, pitifully once again.</p><p>"Yes," Castiel nodded, checking on Sam, who was also out cold in slumber. "He is fine. I healed his leg. He should be walking fine tomorrow."</p><p>"Good," Dean let out a barking cough. "Can't let anything happen to him. I made a promise years ago."</p><p>"I know Dean," Castiel nodded again, taking a seat on the side of Dean's bed. "I knew of that long ago. I felt it when I…"</p><p>"When you what?" Dean asked, his glassy eyes were so dry when they met Castiel's.</p><p>"Nothing," Castiel touched two fingers to Dean's hot forehead. "Go to sleep, Dean."</p><p>Dean was asleep again in moments.</p><p>Nightmares plagued Dean and Castiel knew it. For he himself never slept unless he genuinely wanted to. Right now, though Dean needed his full attention. Castiel had already chased away Sam's usual nightmares. Leftover thoughts of Ruby and Lucifer plaguing him until the end of his life. Castiel hated that for him, but he couldn't change the past. All he could do was try to give Sam some peace.</p><p>Now, it was Dean's turn.</p><p>Dean whined in his sleep, clearly in severe pain, but fighting being awake. Castiel came over to his side, studying him, and debating whether or not to invade his mind too.</p><p>It wouldn't have been the first time.</p><p>What Castiel found inside Dean's mind was a mish mash of events, but mostly it was failures. His subconscious was on fire with them, and he sifted through each one to try and find the nightmare of the night.</p><p>Failures at hunting. He saw flashes of past hunts where innocent people had died. The latest one haunted Castiel the most. Seeing Dean almost on the brink of tears as the werewolves tore into the children's throats.</p><p>Failures at relationships. Castiel saw Dean's father, yelling at him for some unintelligible reason. He saw Dean kissing various women he'd had feelings for over the years and then walking away forever. Lisa and Ben, whom Castiel had wiped their memories.</p><p>What stood out the most, however, were the memories with Castiel.</p><p>The pain and sorrow coming from Dean after each time he felt as though he'd failed the angel. After every hit they had taken, the anger and the sorrow that radiated off of the hunter had been immeasurable. There was another emotion too. One Dean would never speak of aloud and Castiel felt embarrassed to be spying on. Other emotions as well. Desires. Past dreams. Random jumbled human thoughts.</p><p>Thoughts of death and dying. Thoughts of how relieving it would feel.</p><p>He quickly left that part of Dean's head and moved on.</p><p>The part that was in charge of producing dreams came next and Castiel projected an image into Dean's brain.</p><p>***</p><p>
  <em>Dean is walking in Hell.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He knows deep down it's a dream but fear still lingers in his gut. He feels his throat constricting. He can barely breathe as he starts running. His departure is paused though and suddenly he winds up where it all begun. On that damn table, strapped down, and being given a choice by the demon named Alistair.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No," he says. "I refuse."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Flashes of light suddenly spark above him. They're far in the distance, but they're bold and bright. They weren't there before. Suddenly, Dean feels something he hasn't in a long time for the first time.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He feels hope.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The point of view shifts in the dream and Dean feels dizzy, but he goes with it. It's something that never normally happened in this dream. It has to mean something good.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I do wish you had consulted me before signing me up for this." Dean hears Balthazar's voice and his gaze is suddenly on the long dead angel, very much alive, and Dean realizes this has to be the past.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I needed soldiers," Castiel's voice comes next and another flash of light as a demon falls to his death and evaporates into black smoke.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I wanted you by my side when I undertook this daunting task."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Somehow, Dean knows they aren't speaking English. He's shocked he can understand the language of the angels so fluidly, even in dreams.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Only you would go to such lengths for a human." Balthazar scoffs and slays another demon. It falls to the ground below, next to Dean, screaming its full head off like a banshee. The soot from its being sprays into Dean's mouth and he coughs.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"He is the only human that matters right now," Castiel retorts, angrier than need be.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dean doesn't know how he can hear them so clearly, he's still strapped to the table, but he's seeing flashes of what happened that day so many years ago. The demons turn to ash before his eyes as angel blades penetrate their forms. There are so many other angels up there fighting as well, but Dean can't see them. Only Castiel and Balthazar and some strange looking dog jumping from cliff to cliff that seems to follow Balthazar's every command.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Titan! Kill them!" Balthazar calls to the hound and it obeys. It claws and bites at every demon that gets near it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Good dog." Balthazar smirks and stabs another demon.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm going for it," Castiel says. "Cover me. The Righteous Man is here. I can sense him!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dean knows how the next part goes. He lets it happen as it did. The blinding light. The searing pain in his arm. The scream that comes from Castiel's mouth that he thought he'd only imagined.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Dean Winchester is saved!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>***</em>
</p><p>Dean woke up in a cold sweat, shaking and crying out. Castiel immediately jumped from the chair he'd occupied for the last two hours and whispered a few words to keep Sam asleep.</p><p>"Dean," Castiel said in a hushed tone. "It's alright."</p><p>"Why'd you do it?" Dean asked through tears and short breaths as Castiel took a seat near his bedside.</p><p>"Do what?" Castiel asked.</p><p>"Save me," Dean choked out. "I didn't deserve it."</p><p>"Heaven called for it," Castiel said. "I couldn't disobey a direct order."</p><p>Dean's fever had jumped five degrees. Castiel placed his hand on Dean's cheek, not caring what the hunter might say. Surprisingly, he leaned into the touch instead.</p><p>"There was more to it than that though."</p><p>Dean stared up into Castiel's eyes, shivering and pulling the blanket closer to him. Castiel assisted.</p><p>"When I saw your soul," Castiel explained. "It was like being on the ocean."</p><p>Dean laid back into the pillow, letting out a few rounds of coughing. Castiel reached for his shoes, taking them off and also shedding his trench coat, which left him in his shirt and pants.</p><p>"You don't appreciate the entirety of the ocean until you spend enough time around it," Castiel continued. "I was nothing, but a drop in that ocean when I found you deep down in the depths of Hell. You were so much more though. Your soul was so hurt, but so pure just the same. I don't think I've ever told you that."</p><p>Dean took Castiel's hand, holding it tightly, so delirious he was probably about to pass out again. Castiel tried to fight the fluttering he felt in his chest, but he didn't let go.</p><p>"I fell in love with it the moment I saw it."</p><p>Castiel squeezed his hand tighter. Giving in, if only for a moment, to what he felt. What he knew Dean felt, but would never say out loud, so help him God.</p><p>"I had never known such an emotion existed until that very moment."</p><p>Castiel knew Dean wouldn't remember anything he said. It was like a confession booth without the other side.</p><p>It was safe to reciprocate feelings, even if only for a night.</p><p>"M'not worth it," Dean whispered, so tired from fighting the poison. "M'broken."</p><p>"Broken things are beautiful too," Castiel made a home for himself on the other side of the bed, knowing full well he'd be able to move before Dean woke up the next day and still keep an eye on him.</p><p>"Just not everybody appreciates them the way they should."</p><p>Flashes of Dean kissing all those women he'd loved in different ways went through Castiel's mind. He kept his jealousy at bay.</p><p>"Sammy did something stupid," Dean said. "That's why I yelled at him. That's why he hates me right now."</p><p>"He doesn't hate you," Castiel shook his head. "I don't think that would ever be possible for Sam."</p><p>A smile cracked on Dean's face.</p><p>"Good," Dean gave a weak nod and his eyes closed.</p><p>"Sleep," Castiel replied. "I'll be here when you wake."</p><p>Dean's breathing evened out and his eyes remained shut.</p><p>His hand remained in Castiel's and Castiel didn't dare move an inch.</p><p>The ocean was at peace. He didn't dare disturb it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The air surrounding him was crisp when Dean awoke. It was still mostly dark in the room, but then again, it was also gloomy outside. Rain had apparently started to fall overnight, but despite that, birds were chirping. Dean groaned and slowly sat up to look around. The room was quiet. Sam was gone and Castiel was also nowhere to be found.</p><p>Dean touched his tender arm and winced. The flesh was still healing on the inside even though the outside had mended. He tended to forget that when it came to Castiel's healing, some of them didn't take effect in one day as others did.</p><p>Dean stumbled to the bathroom again, a familiar sight, and immediately made his way to the mirror. Remnants of the werewolf poisoning still remained. His muscles were tender, as though infection still ran rapid. The fever still raged, though luckily not as high as before. The most peculiar side effect though, was his eyes. Dean leaned close to the mirror, pulling back his eyelids and staring at the golden flecks that now inhabited them.</p><p>The symptoms were common. He'd seen John Winchester succumb to the disease himself for the full seventy-two hours and still get up in the morning, shakily load his guns and check his wares, and hunt the damn thing that had given it to him. Dean could've sworn his father's eyes had glowed slightly yellow the moment he'd come in that night after killing the monster.</p><p>Dean heard the door to the motel room open and he shuffled out of the bathroom, trying to make himself look presentable.</p><p>"Sleeping beauty awakens," Sam commented, dropping the plastic bag he had in his hand onto the motel's kitchen table. Castiel had come in alongside Sam, looking over at Dean in that sort of curious way he usually did. The pair had been speaking before they'd entered. Dean had heard them from behind the bathroom door.</p><p>It was anybody's guess what about.</p><p>"How are you feeling Dean?" Castiel asked, cocking his head ever so slightly and Dean felt a tingle travel through his left arm. He couldn't lie. Castiel was using whatever angel mojo he had left to double check on Dean's condition.</p><p>"Like a well-seasoned hunter who somehow got his ass handed to him," Dean commented and begun to rifle through the plastic bags on the table.</p><p>"Not very pleasant then." Castiel replied.</p><p>"That's putting it mildly," Dean pulled out a large prepackaged Honey Bun and his stomach started to growl. Taking that as a good sign of healing, he sat down and begun to tear into it.</p><p>"Thanks…uh Sam, by the way." Dean motioned the Honey Bun around in the air and Sam gave a curt nod in response.</p><p>"Considering you wouldn't shut up about them by mile three of our trip," Sam replied and dug into his own breakfast sandwich. "I figured you'd want one."</p><p>Tension still hung in the air like a sharp knife. Castiel awkwardly cleared his throat, but it was Sam who spoke first.</p><p>"There's another hunt," Sam mentioned. "Ironically in the same town as one Garth Fitzgerald IV. Figured he could help with your little issue if it persists while we investigate."</p><p>"How kind of you Sammy," Dean said. "But I think I'll survive."</p><p>"Actually Dean," Castiel came closer, leaning against the makeshift kitchen counter. "Sam has a point. If you're as determined to do this next hunt as he is, we'll need you healed. I can only do so much beyond keeping track of your vitals. It would only make sense for an actual werewolf to take a look."</p><p>Dean looked up at Castiel, his eyes still slightly glassy and a piece of Honey Bun glaze had taken residence on his upper lip.</p><p>"Perhaps he'll have some insight we don't have."</p><p>"Guys I'll be fine," Dean said. "This is survivable, I'll just be mostly uncomfortable for a few days. I've seen other people survive it."</p><p>"You're not seriously referring to that one time that dad, sick out of his mind, almost got himself killed on a werewolf hunt because one of them scratched him and he refused help, are you?"</p><p>Dean's attention turned to Sam, who was giving him the most accusatory look known to man. Dean returned the glare, trying to hide the tickle that had now crawled into his throat and was threatening to make him have a coughing fit.</p><p>"Well I'm taking the reins on this one," Sam abruptly stood up from the table and grabbed the Impala's keys, slinging his bag from the floor to his bag. "We're going to Garth's and while you're recovering, I'm going to get started on the hunt while we're there."</p><p>Before Dean could protest, Sam was out the door, and he heard the telltale sound of the Impala starting up. Dean grumbled, muttering something under his breath, and going for his bag. He hissed when he lifted it. The pain from his arm searing through the rest of him.</p><p>"The two of you should really consider making up," Castiel commented as he watched Dean carefully. "You work better together when you're not at one another's throats."</p><p>"Thank you, Dear Abby," Dean rolled his eyes and thrust the bag over his shoulder with a strangled groan. "I think the two of us will be fine. Things like this happen and they blow over."</p><p>"If you insist," Castiel nodded, but suddenly Dean noticed he'd turned slightly fidgety as though he wanted to say something but was hesitating.</p><p>"How much do you remember of last night?" Castiel asked.</p><p>Dean hadn't really thought much about it, but flashes of the night before came back to him. Vomiting in the bathroom being at the forefront because most people remembered anything of that sort. By the time he'd gotten out of the shower, Dean's fever had begun. He hadn't recalled too much after that, but there were echoes in his memory. Castiel's voice that could or not have been real, he wasn't quite sure yet.</p><p>"<em>A drop into the ocean…"</em></p><p>"Not much really," Dean replied. "Why?"</p><p>"No particular reason," Castiel said a little too quickly, but Dean chose to ignore it. "I simply wished to check your progress. Your fever climbed again last night. I wanted to be sure it didn't cause any damage as I attempted to repair it."</p><p>Dean felt there was something else, something that Castiel wasn't saying, but once again he ignored it as Castiel made a move for the door and walked through it without another word.</p><p>"<em>Now that I think about it," </em>Dean thought. "<em>I did have the strangest dream."</em></p><p>There would be time later to bring that up to Castiel. For now, Dean threw a tip down on the bed for the maid and left the room with both keys in hand.</p><p>***</p><p>The drive had taken a bit longer than anticipated, with Dean having insisted Sam pull over a few times due to his flip-flopping stomach. The first time had been a false alarm, but the second had proved to be bad for his lunch. He'd refused to ruin Baby's upholstery.</p><p>Eventually, they made it into Garth's town and Dean could feel his limbs aching and growing hot once more. Afternoon was upon them, and illnesses, even those of supernatural origin, only got worse at night.</p><p>"Thank…well somebody other than Chuck," Dean commented as they drove down the winding road leading to Garth's farmhouse. "I was afraid I'd lose my mind listening to your sissy music for one more second."</p><p>"I'll be sure to tell multimillionaire artist Phil Collins that you think his music is for babies," Sam replied snarky and parked the car once they had arrived.</p><p>"I rather enjoyed it." Castiel replied in agreement.</p><p>"Get a room you two," Dean rolled his eyes and basically rolled out of the car's passenger seat, mad enough he hadn't gotten to drive.</p><p>Castiel was about to reply, but Sam waved him off and asked if he would help him carry a few things instead. The angel complied, still keep an eye on Dean, which Dean did take notice of, as the hunter walked up the path to Garth's front door.</p><p>"Dean!" Garth cried out, patting him on the shoulder and Dean gave a look of pain. "Oh, shit sorry! I forgot about why you're here. You holding up okay?"</p><p>"Yeah," Dean nodded, and Garth gave him a skeptical look. "I swear, I'm fine."</p><p>"Well," Garth motioned for Castiel and Sam to enter as well. "Either way, you're gonna be feeling great by the time I'm done with you. I know just the cure for this. Bess! Sweetheart! The guys are here!"</p><p>Dean heard Garth's wife call out from the other room as Garth led the trio to their quarters for the next few days. There were two single beds in the room, blankets and sheets put perfectly over them, and four beautiful white walls covered in pictures of flowers and farm-like things.</p><p>Much better than any crappy motel room or even the bunker.</p><p>"I don't believe we've really ever formally met although we have spoke a few times in passing," Garth held out his hand to Castiel. "Garth Fitzgerald IV, D.D.S, werewolf, and part time hunter."</p><p>"Castiel," Castiel shook back, still a bit confused by Garth's peppiness. Either that or it was his introduction about himself. "Angel and…that's really about it."</p><p>"Welcome," Garth nodded and gave Castiel a sincere smile. "I've heard you don't sleep much so I didn't really think of giving you a bed, but if you feel inclined there is a rather comfortable couch out in the living room."</p><p>"That won't be necessary," Castiel nodded. "But thank you. I'll need every minute of the night to watch over Dean."</p><p>Dean gave Castiel a confused look as he quickly looked away from the hunter and turned his attention back to Garth.</p><p>"That is," Castiel stammered a moment before clearing his throat again. "If he needs it. I don't intend to make things…you know what I mean."</p><p>"Say no more," Garth waved him off. "It would probably be best if one of us tracked his vitals anyway after he takes what I'm going to give him. Some humans have had less than stellar reactions to it."</p><p>"Well that makes me feel better already, thank you." Dean grumbled.</p><p>"Don't worry Dean," Garth waved him off and chuckled. "You're not gonna die or anything."</p><p>***</p><p>"I am literally dying…"</p><p>Dean groaned, with his head in the toilet for the fourth time in an hour.</p><p>"Medically speaking," Castiel said through the bathroom door. He, Sam, and Garth stood on the other side, all with puzzled looks on their faces.</p><p>"I can feel your vitals. You're not dying."</p><p>"Thanks for the update, Cas!" Dean yelled.</p><p>"It's an expression." Sam said and Castiel gave a look of recognition after a moment.</p><p>"The medicine is purging the poison from your body," Garth explained. "This should only last about thirty more minutes and then you'll be fine."</p><p>"This has been the longest hour of my life then." Dean let out a hiccup, a burp, and then heaved once more.</p><p>Sam motioned for the three of them to move along and give Dean privacy. Garth led them to the living room, where children's toys were scattered all around haphazardly and a dollhouse sat in the corner of the room near the fireplace. He tossed a few of the dolls aside and motioned for Castiel and Sam to sit down.</p><p>"I hope Dean feels better before our little shindig we're having tonight," Garth mentioned. "Nothing too big, just the in-laws and a few friends. Would love for you guys to come."</p><p>"I would happy to join in this "shindig" as you call it," Castiel replied. "I have never been to one before."</p><p>"Sam?" Garth asked.</p><p>"Yeah," Sam nodded. "I'll come. I just really need to get started on this hunt. Already down twenty people in the town because of this thing."</p><p>"No worries," Garth gave a relaxed hand gesture. "Come if you can. Just excited about it all."</p><p>"Where are the kids?" Sam asked.</p><p>"Gertie's off werewolf training, as I suppose you would call it, with my pal Ryan," Garth explained with a proud smile. "Babies are asleep. Bess has been in the kitchen all day doing her legendary work."</p><p>"And you are a hunter as well?" Castiel asked.</p><p>"Was," Garth replied. "Only do small cases now when there's no full moon, and only if nobody else can do it. Gotta stay alive for the family."</p><p>"Of course," Castiel nodded. "Family is everything, or so I've been taught."</p><p>Sam smiled at that.</p><p>"Well," the younger Winchester slapped his knees and stood. "I'm going to try and get some leads on what I'm dealing with. I promise I'll put the computer down when you're ready for us."</p><p>"By all means go ahead," Garth stood too. "Use ours if you want. Wi-Fi password is on the bottom of the router."</p><p>Sam nodded his thanks and took his leave. Castiel moved back over towards the bathroom door where Dean was still groaning from behind it.</p><p>"He'll be okay," Garth touched Castiel's shoulder and gave him a reassuring smile. "Just give it time."</p><p>"I know I just-." Castiel started to say.</p><p>"You care about him," Garth replied with a nod. "I understand. I'd do the same for Bess. I did. I thought morning sickness was bad in humans. It's worse in werewolves."</p><p>Garth patted Castiel's shoulder and walked off, leaving the angel to wait on the other side of the door for Dean, and resisting every urge he had to bust in and simply take Dean into his arms to comfort him.</p><p>No, he'd exercised restraint for this long.</p><p>What was another, what seemed like, a hundred thousand years?</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Read and Review!<br/>A/N: I decided to continue this story. I’ve learned that some of my best works came from ONESHOTS that I chose to continue, so we’ll see how this goes. Thank you to everyone who has read it so far. More to come soon!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><em>"I'll be back before the party, I promise." </em>Sam had said.</p><p>That had been a damn lie.</p><p>Not an intentional one of course, but the actual hunt had taken him to the seediest part of town where he had spent the last hour and a half following the suspects. Supposedly a group of rogue vampires had made their way into Grantsburg, Wisconsin and decided it was home now. Citizens had been vanishing for months. Homeless people, mostly, but after a few children were taken the local police had issued a reward for anybody who had information.</p><p>There was no way Sam was going to cash in that reward.</p><p>The vampires also weren't the only reason he'd wanted to be in Grantsburg.</p><p>Sam clutched his bruised shoulder, his hand covered in vampire blood from where it had run down the machete, he'd used to behead them. He'd been thrown into a dumpster in the back alleyway he was currently walking down. The abandoned farm the vampires called home was ablaze in the distance and Sam had burned the machete along with it. After all, what was one more lost piece of equipment? The brothers had about five more in the Impala.</p><p>Sam slumped into the driver's seat, surprised nobody had messed with the car while he was gone, and wiped down his hand. He let out a deep sigh upon resting the back of his neck on the cool headrest and unlocked his phone to see a few missed messages.</p><p>One from Garth, whom he texted back and told that he would be there in the next few hours and would bring more beer.</p><p>The other two made him smile, and he answered as quickly as possible as he started up the car and drove to the meeting place.</p><p>***</p><p>When Sam entered the quiet bar, he ran a hand through his hair, and looked around for the person he'd promised to meet. The bartender solemnly cleaned glasses near the bar sink. The only other patrons were two old burly guys sitting and smoking in a booth.</p><p>Eileen Leahy sat at the far end of the bar, sipping on a whiskey drink.</p><p>"Should have known you were a whiskey girl." Sam said once Eileen could see him. He followed his sentence with some broken sign language, but she nodded in understanding.</p><p>"Born and raised." She chuckled, finished hers, and signaled to the bartender for another.</p><p>Sam ordered some domestic beer he'd never heard of and turned back to Eileen.</p><p>"So," she smirked. "I give you one little hint about where I'm going to be next and you take off running in that direction, also stealing my hunt in the process."</p><p>"Dean needed some TLC from a friend of ours whose an expert on the subject," Sam explained. "I was in the neighborhood and figured I'd ask you to get a drink."</p><p>"Does Dean know?" Eileen asked, causing a small jolt through Sam's stomach.</p><p>"Does he have to?" Sam replied.</p><p>Eileen gave him a look and sighed before returning to her drink.</p><p>"He already gave his opinion on how stupid and reckless I am for wanting something like this," Sam said. "I understand that the world is on the brink of ending once again, but maybe that means we need to try as best we can, but also find some time to be happy for once in our damn lives."</p><p>"To which you told you replied that he needed to take a look in the mirror," Eileen chuckled. "I recall, that's where this fight started."</p><p>"He's been dancing around Cas ever since the pair met," Sam took another swig of his beer. "I don't see how its any of his business what I get into."</p><p>Eileen smirked again and the two clanked glasses in a toast.</p><p>***</p><p>The sun had already set by the time Sam and Eileen ended up in the backseat of the Impala. Both slightly buzzed and both sharing a moment of happiness they knew would be fleeting, but they were going to enjoy it, nonetheless.</p><p>Eileen's laugh was like a powerful wave sweeping over him. Sam broke into another smile when his foot accidentally kicked the radio and Led Zeppelin's<em> Kashmir</em> started through the speakers. Once Eileen climbed in his lap and the windows had begun to fog though, he barely heard the somber melody, and the neon lights cradled them in an electric embrace as they became one with one another for the first time in longer than either had wanted to wait.</p><p>***</p><p>Dean wasn't usually one for parties, but Garth had certainly put on one hell of one for his family and friends.</p><p>The entire backyard was one giant fields of string lights and poles connecting them. Fireflies had found their way out from the nearby woods and twinkled along with the bulbs. A long white table filled to the brim with food sat beside the back door and children's laughter echoed through the air as soft indie music played in the background.</p><p>Garth's closest relatives congregated in small groups, talking about various subjects to which Dean had a lack of input, and others sat and ate while watching their kids play. Garth's daughter Gertie twirled with a ribbon toy and shot him the occasional smile.</p><p>"Are you doing alright Dean?" Castiel asked, taking a seat beside the hunter.</p><p>"Well the music could be better," Dean replied, joking. "Overall, I'm tired, but I think the effects are finally wearing off."</p><p>"That is good to hear," Castiel nodded and looked ahead of them at the gaggle of werewolf children. "They are certainly full of energy. Not much different than the human children I've witnessed."</p><p>"Don't you just wish you could go back to that level of innocence?" Dean asked.</p><p>"I am an angel of the Lord Dean," Castiel replied. "I was never made to remain innocent."</p><p>Flashes of images Dean would rather keep to himself went through his head and he grabbed his beer from the plastic table in between the pair.</p><p>"I had the weirdest dream the other night," Dean began and Castiel, trying not to show any strange emotions, shuffled in his chair.</p><p>"I dreamt about Hell again," Dean explained. "The weird part was that I saw you this time."</p><p>Castiel swallowed a lump in his throat and looked over at Dean.</p><p>"I saw you fighting for me in Hell," Dean continued. "With Balthazar and some strange dog and all the other angels that were forced to join you in your God ordered crusade."</p><p>"I wasn't forced to do anything," Castiel replied, perhaps a bit too strongly so he backed off and looked down at his folded hands in his lap.</p><p>"I volunteered for the task."</p><p>"Knowing you might die?" Dean asked.</p><p>"It was not any more dangerous than the situations you and Sam put yourselves in at least once every week."</p><p>"Let me rephrase that," Dean said. "Knowing you might die for me."</p><p>"Fear is an emotion that never once overtook me during that fight," Castiel explained. "I could see miles down deep into Hell. I could see you lying there, being offered terrible choices, and complying with some of them simply to survive. I knew you weren't doing it for fun. For pleasure. So, when I grabbed your hand I didn't let go. I kept my promise to my superiors, but I had also made a promise to you that day."</p><p>"I'm touched." Dean said, in his usual tone when he wanted to deflect emotions.</p><p>The song suddenly changed, and the young werewolf girls gave an exalted shriek. Gertie and her friend ran over to where Dean and Castiel sat and tugged on their hands.</p><p>"You have to dance!" they cried out. "C'mon!"</p><p>Dean was about to protest, but he saw the innocent cutesy look in Gertie's eyes, coupled with the fact that so many other of Garth's guests were dancing, and he complied with a nervous smile.</p><p>"I don't really know what I'm doing kid." Dean admitted.</p><p>"Nobody does," Gertie shook her head and gave him a toothy smile as the two of them slowly spun around.</p><p>"Just dance!"</p><p>Castiel's partner was just as enthusiastic and even managed to get him to spin her around a few times, which produced a storm of giggles. She bowed in her dress and Castiel bowed his head.</p><p>The two girls shot each other a look and suddenly pushed Dean and Castiel into one another. Dean gave Gertie a look. Castiel simply looked embarrassed, but willing to comply.</p><p>"Dance!" the girls stood back and watched, arms crossed, with smug looks on their faces.</p><p>"I suppose we should comply." Castiel whispered to Dean, and before Dean could say anything, Castiel had cautiously slipped his hand into Dean's and the pair begun to move.</p><p>The song filled the air, the lyrics only familiar to Dean once he listened, and he snorted.</p><p>"What's funny?" Castiel asked.</p><p>"It's just ironic," Dean motioned to the speakers as he awkwardly moved with Castiel as the girls watched them like hawks.</p><p>"This song it…it's from a movie where-."</p><p>"Where what?" Castiel asked, looking Dean in the eyes, tiny specks of yellow were left, but they were fading.</p><p>"Where an angel gives up everything he knows because he…falls in love with a…human." Dean's voice trailed out at the end, realizing how deeply Castiel was staring into his eyes.</p><p>The angels deep blue eyes were an endless tunnel. One, Dean had to admit, he'd dreamt of never coming out the other side of. The singer's voice cried out with all the emotion he could muster when he'd wrote the song.</p><p>"<em>And you can't fight the tears that aren't coming, or the moment of truth in your lies."</em></p><p>Dean felt a surge of emotion all of a sudden. All these feelings that had been kept at bay for so long, suddenly trying to surface like surfers in a breaking wave. His hand was sweaty in Castiel's but somehow his fingers wouldn't let go.</p><p>They separated before the end of the song, Dean rubbing at his arm and Castiel looking at the girls as they cried out in a chorus of lovey-dovey sounds. Garth shooed them off.</p><p>"Sorry about that," Garth rubbed at the back of his neck and smiled sheepishly. "They're at that age, you know."</p><p>"<em>Where they start trying to give grown men heart attacks?" </em>Dean thought.</p><p>"I had a wonderful time," Castiel smiled at the girls as they went. "So rarely do I get to participate in human activities."</p><p>"Back at you," Garth winked at Dean and walked off to join Bess at the back porch, where the family and friends had started to gather. Bess tapped at a microphone and handed it to Garth.</p><p>"Family, friends new and old, welcome," Garth said with a smile as Gertie bounced up and down at his feet. Bess held their two youngest, who reached for everything in sight.</p><p>"It's not often we get to do things like this," Garth continued. "What with the world going to sh—crap every other day. Everybody here in the same place. Especially two of my best friends Sam and Dean Winchester, who have done more for me and my family than I can ever repay."</p><p>Dean looked around at the mention of Sam's name and found him on the edge of the woods, watching carefully with a few other guests, and smiling and waving at Garth.</p><p>"Our lives are but a small drop in a large ocean," Garth continued, and Dean's heart skipped a beat at his words. It wasn't the first time he'd heard them lately. He looked over at Castiel, who was looking straight forward, unaware of Dean's gaze.</p><p>"Or so it seems," Garth smiled. "That's why it's important to remind those we love of their value in our lives. To gather with friends and family while we have the chance. To always remember how precious every second is."</p><p>Dean watched as Garth swallowed hard and looked him in the eyes. Dean sighed. He and Sam had previously warned him of the impending doom. Now he wished they hadn't. Garth looked like a scared dead man walking, even though he was trying hard not to show it.</p><p>"That's why I invite you to make the most of your time here tonight," Garth finished. "I'm immensely glad you all are here. Now, let's party!"</p><p>A chorus of whoops and what Dean suspected were howls filled the air and the music cut back in. Some Incubus song about wishing somebody were with you. The other guests seemed to love it. They cracked open beers and laughter rang loud once again.</p><p>Castiel looked as if he wanted to say something but walked away instead.</p><p>Dean almost did say something but thought better of it once he saw the angel leaving.</p><p>He bit his lip, turning his attention back to Sam, and hoping he hadn't seen much of the whole dancing fiasco from before, but Sam was gone too.</p><p>Dean felt his heart sink and reached for another beer.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A/N: I'm sorry this is late. Watching a puppy is hard work. Mental health is hard work. I will continue this! I swear. See you next chapter! </p><p>If anybody is interested in the songs mentioned: </p><p>Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls<br/>Wish You Were Here by Incubus<br/>Kashmir by Led Zeppelin</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The night felt as though it had come faster this time. Garth had assured Dean he hadn't had to help clean up after the party. His family was planning a run under the full moon together. No hunting, no attacking people, just a test of their skills and bonding time. Gertie excitedly danced around the yard, motioning for Garth to pick her up and he did, snuggling his face into hers and giving her a type of butterfly kiss Dean had only seen in cheesy movies.</p><p>He wished he had seen it more often in real life.</p><p>"It's as though he was made to have children," Dean heard Bess comment from behind him. She came onto the front porch, cleaning off a dish with a towel.</p><p>"When I first met the guy, I never would have guessed this life for him," Dean replied, taking a sip of another beer. "I'm glad he's made the most of it."</p><p>"I thought he was gonna kill me the first time we met," Bess said, setting down the dish and towel and leaning up against a pillar near Dean's seat.</p><p>"He smelled like a hunter," Bess explained. "I know that sounds strange, but you guys have this edge about you. This adrenaline that most of us creatures, if we're smart enough, can smell on you. It's almost like it's in your blood."</p><p>"What do I smell like?" Dean asked.</p><p>"Old gun powder," Bess smiled. "Beer, because you're drinking it right now. There's another emotion in there that I can sense. I just can't really put a name on it yet."</p><p>Images of him and Castiel dancing at the request of the young werewolf girls flashed through Dean's mind and he drank another sip of his beer, trying to push them out. The last thing he needed Bess to pick up on was that.</p><p>Or Sam.</p><p>"Anyway, my pack had smelled him the moment he'd come into town. They told me to investigate, and so I did. Instead of finding somebody about to hunt us down, I found a quivering and crying man about to shoot himself in the mouth with a silver bullet."</p><p>Dean sat up a little straighter. He'd never first a firsthand account of Garth's attempt to leave the planet. He'd only briefly digested the details when they'd first encountered Bess and Garth had explained her place in his life.</p><p>"We sat and we talked," Bess continued. "I convinced him to join my pack. The next two months were as easy as swimming through calm water. He learned so much. I saw him come alive. I met the man he actually was over that short time and I learned to love that man more than I've ever loved anything or anybody else."</p><p>Dean paused a moment, continuing to watch over Garth and Gertie in the yard as the family members and friends who were going on the run slowly gathered and clapped Garth on the back. He watched as they all gathered their hands close to their chests and pulled off their silver bullet necklaces, placing them on the ground near a tree.</p><p>He watched them concentrate, muttering magical words he couldn't hear, and slowly the men before him and Gertie became wolves. Dean had never seen a full-blown transformation before, only just the bare minimum claws and teeth. They looked like actual wolves, on four legs, and Garth looked back to his wife, guiding Gertie with his snout, and they all took off running into the woods, letting out loud howls into the dark night.</p><p>"He learned that ancient magic about five months ago," Bess explained. "I didn't know we could do it either."</p><p>"You learn something new every day." Dean commented, lifting the last of his beer to his lips just as Bess turned to leave.</p><p>"Wait." Dean said, biting his lip thinking about what he was trying to articulate once Bess turned to face him again.</p><p>"How'd you know? That he was the one."</p><p>Dean could tell Bess was carefully thinking about it. She paused, smiled, and begun to speak.</p><p>"I wholeheartedly believe there's something deeper and cosmic at work when you find out that you know," she said. "You could listen to every love song on Earth, and they'll make you feel it, but it's also a song in itself that's never been written before. You'll fight, but rarely. You'll feel at ease when they're there. No discomfort, and if there ever is, you'll want to fix it immediately. You'll have bad days. They will too, but you can't let them outweigh the good. It's not a walk in the park, but it doesn't have to be impossible either."</p><p>"What if all of Heaven and Earth and whatever the hell else is out there tries to tell you it is?"</p><p>"Heaven is overrated," Bess smirked. "I can say that because I'll never go. As for that, well you just have to trust that whatever it is out there won't succeed."</p><p>Bess turned and left for the kitchen, murmuring to the twins in their playpen as she went.</p><p>Dean turned and stared out at the moon. He could picture it now, two younger werewolves on a hillside, looking into one another's eyes and knowing. If only it were that easy. Pride and God.</p><p>Those two factors still existed and damn if Dean was going to let at least one of them win.</p><p>***</p><p>"<em>Dean."</em></p><p>
  <em>Dean can swear he hears Castiel's voice, but he's too deep into his dream to wake up and make sure.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He walks towards a familiar front yard with a white picket fence. The grass is growing alarmingly green and there are no weeds. His stomach drops. He knows she probably doesn't live here anymore, but it's the last place that felt like home when he knew her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lisa sits on the front porch, reading a book. Ben is nowhere to be found.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Dean?" she says, putting down the book and cocking her head as he approaches.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Lis…" Dean manages to get out. He doesn't know what else to say.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Something on your mind?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She pats the stairs, motioning for Dean to sit down next to her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dean sits down, looking up at the setting sun in the sky. It never set from this angle in the waking world. It's a nice touch.</em>
</p><p>"<em>You're still one of my greatest regrets," Dean mentions. A beer magically appears out of thin air. He's been drinking a lot of beer lately. Probably too much.</em></p><p>"<em>Not meeting you, of course. Just…everything that happened after, but the real you doesn't know that. The real you will never know that. So, I guess I'll just settle for the you in my head. Also, I'm still convinced Ben is mine."</em></p><p>
  <em>"Is that what you came here to say?" Lisa asks, taking a sip of her own beer that has also magically appeared.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I actually don't know why I'm here." Dean replies.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Liar," Lisa laughs. "You know exactly why you're here."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Asking for advice has never been my strong suit," Dean says. "You know that."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Not really," Lisa shakes her head. "The real me, when I did know you, barely knew the real you. I just knew that you had this badass secret job you couldn't tell me about, and even that I had to figure out by myself. Also, that last question is really out there."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm so sorry." Dean chokes a little, nervously peeling the label on his beer with his thumb.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"That biker man that's supposedly his dad may or may not be real," Lisa chuckles. I'll say that much."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dean smiles, but it falls almost seconds later.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I don't remember it all, you had my memory erased," Lisa explains. "Only this version of me does."</em>
</p><p>"<em>I still mean it," Dean answers, with a bit of an edge in his voice and he stops when he realizes it. "I wish I could go back in time and make things right."</em></p><p>
  <em>"That's not what you want," Lisa shakes her head. "Not anymore. I'm inside your head, Dean. I know what you really want."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lisa turns her head towards the entrance of her yard and suddenly two figures emerge from seemingly nowhere and Dean recognizes them immediately.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ben laughs at something Castiel says and Castiel discusses something with him in a volume Dean can't hear. It's almost a knee jerk reaction, how Dean almost jumps from where he sits to go to them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What are you afraid of?" Lisa asks.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dean stops a moment, mid step, and the hand holding his beer shakes ever so slightly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I don't know." He replies.</em>
</p><p>***</p><p>Dean awoke with a start, shooting up out of bed. Still covered in remnants of fever sweat from the last round of healing. Garth had told him this would happen, but he hadn't told him the dreams would get weirder and weirder.</p><p>He certainly hadn't planned on Castiel's hands wrapped around his wrists.</p><p>"You were thrashing in your sleep," Castiel explained, staring deeply into Dean's eyes. "You almost punched the side table. I didn't wish for you to hurt yourself."</p><p>Dean didn't say anything at first. He was too entranced by blue eyes and the dizziness of having abruptly woken up. Eventually, he managed to gently move his wrists away from Castiel and the angel backed up from the side of the bed.</p><p>"Cas," Dean sighed. "What did we say about watching me while I sleep?"</p><p>"It's creepy," Castiel replied. "Your words. Not mine."</p><p>"I thought we were long past this." Dean groaned and settled back down into bed, throwing an arm over his face.</p><p>"My apologies," Castiel bowed his head. "I just assumed you'd want some care due to your healing ailment. I'll leave you alone."</p><p>Dean wanted to call out. He wanted Castiel to stay. He honestly wouldn't have minded the angel crawling into bed with him at this point. If only it meant Castiel being there. As Lisa had said, being afraid was doing him no favors.</p><p>"Cas," Dean squeaked out and Castiel stopped in the doorway.</p><p>"You can stay for a little bit," Dean said. "If it would make you feel better."</p><p>"It's not me I'm worried about, Dean." Castiel replied.</p><p>Dean could tell those words meant the world to the angel.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Read and Review!</p><p>A/N: My mental health has been shitty for the past few weeks, but I suspect an upswing is coming soon. I had enough energy and such to write this. So, that has to count for something. I plan to update all my fics soon once our internet decides to stop crapping out.</p><p>See you next chapter!</p><p>ALSO: Ben is Dean's kid and nobody can tell me otherwise.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean stared forward from the driver's seat of the Impala. The road stretched for miles ahead and he found that his eyes were starting to get a bit dry. He blinked several times before taking a swig of the soda he had picked up about two miles back. The radio blared <em>Rock and Roll Fantasy </em>by Bad Company.</p><p>"Dean," Sam said, breaking the silence. "Do you need me to drive for a bit?"</p><p>Dean considered this. He had been given the all clear to drive by Garth when he'd inspected his eyes that morning and claimed the worst of the sickness was over. There would be residual effects maybe for a day or two, but they would be minimal. Garth had graciously provided the Winchesters with a few extra vials of the concoction he'd used on Dean in case of future emergencies and Bess had packed them sandwiches.</p><p><em>"Come back and dance again soon, okay?" </em>Gertie had said, after hugging his legs and running off to join her friends at the edge of the woods. Dean had felt his chest tighten a little at that statement, staring bashfully at the ground as he and Castiel passed by one another on the way to their respective seats in the car.</p><p>"I'm good," Dean replied. "Thanks."</p><p>Sam nodded, shifting slightly in his seat, and fidgeting his hands. He tapped a few fingers against the passenger side door arm rest. He let out a few deep sighs, which Dean tried his best to ignore.</p><p>"According to Google," Castiel piped up. The angel had become quite a Google freak recently. "There are several motels within the area I calculate that we'll be reaching around the time right before sunset. I suggest we stop at one for the night. We need to make sure Dean is at full capacity once again."</p><p>"Alright Dr. Serious," Dean rolled his eyes from the front seat, although he did appreciate Castiel's concern. "We'll stop for the night, but if that's the case you're helping us pay for the room."</p><p>"Understood," Castiel nodded. "I managed to take out a credit card recently. Did you know they surprisingly rarely question men with the name John Smith."</p><p>Dean chuckled. Sometimes Castiel still had an air of naivete surrounding him, but the guy meant well. At least they wouldn't necessarily have to worry about funds for now. Worst came to worst, Dean could scrounge up a few extra dollars playing pool at one of the local bars.</p><p>"Which place is the cheapest?" Dean asked.</p><p>Castiel scrolled down a few inches on his phone, clearly weighing their options. Sam stiffened a little as the song changed to <em>Kashmir.</em></p><p>"The Sleepy Nook Inn," Castiel concluded. "It's fifty a night. If we're only staying for one, we shouldn't break the bank as people tend to say."</p><p>Dean's stomach dropped to his feet. The Sleepy Nook Inn. That was in one of the sleepiest little towns in Illinois: Arrowsmith. A name Dean had loved the moment his dad had mentioned it long ago when they'd managed to destroy a full-blown Djinn infestation that had taken several weeks.</p><p>A name that now made Dean's skin feel cold and prickly with goosebumps.</p><p>"Only if we have to."</p><p>"Can you change the song, please?"</p><p>The brothers both blurted out their sentences at the same time and looked at one another for a moment before Dean turned back to the road, giving Sam a skeptical look as they continued along.</p><p>"I've just heard it too much recently," Sam swallowed hard. "That's all."</p><p>He quickly flipped the channel to a different classic rock station and Dean remained quiet, satisfied with the music choice for the time being. He didn't dare comment on his statement, even though both the eyes of his brother and Castiel bore into the side and back of his head as they all wordlessly finished their drive for the evening.</p><p>***</p><p>"One room, two beds." Dean started to say to the bleach blonde woman with the electric red lipstick smeared across her lips at the front counter of The Sleepy Nook Inn. Castiel stood, admiring various tourist locations miles from where they were posted on the cork board on the wall.</p><p>"Make it two rooms actually," Sam interrupted, pulling his credit card from his pocket, and cutting off Dean. The woman gave them both a look of confusion but took the card and ran it.</p><p>"Like we have that kind of money." Dean commented under his breath.</p><p>"It's fifty bucks Dean," Sam took his card back, his key, and snapped up his bags from the floor. "We can afford it for one night."</p><p>The younger Winchester left the other two in the dust. Castiel passed by Dean with a pat on the shoulder and grabbed his own bag. Dean slung his duffel over his shoulder, trying to ignore the amused look from the counter woman as he went.</p><p>It was much later when Dean told Castiel he was setting out.</p><p>"Are you sure you're up to it?" Castiel asked, reaching a hand to Dean's forehead before he could say a word. Dean's breathed hitched ever so slightly at the angel's touch and he tried to control what little thoughts he was sure Castiel could see if he chose to look.</p><p>"I'm fine," Dean replied and backed away, leaving Castiel with a confused and mildly hurt look. "Sorry Cas, I just...need a night to unwind by myself. Had a lot going on recently. No offense."</p><p>"I do not take this personally," Castiel replied, but it was clear he did. He said nothing in regard to it though. "Have fun, Dean. Pray if you need me."</p><p>The angel turned towards the couch and took residence there. Dean swallowed hard and debated waiting, staying in. Maybe getting drunk again, but with Castiel this time. Maybe then he'd have the courage to spill his guts.</p><p>Reality took hold of him once more and Dean bit his lip as he walked out the door.</p><p>***</p><p>"Trouble in paradise?"</p><p>The woman from before chimed in to break the silence. Dean had been pretending to read over the local restaurants and bars guide in the lobby, despite knowing exactly what places still existed and which still had ghosts that wouldn't be happy to see him should he return.</p><p>It only left one, because it was the only bar in town with food that wouldn't return up your throat an hour after eating.</p><p>"Scuse me?" Dean asked, putting down the pamphlet and trying to convince his feet to move out the front door.</p><p>"You and that guy you came here with," the woman mentioned, inspecting her nails, and giving Dean a sideways glance from where she leaned her giant breasts on the counter. Normally, Dean would have glanced, or perhaps done more, but his head was currently swimming upstream and he had no life vest or directions.</p><p>"Oh god no," Dean shook hurriedly his head. "That's my brother."</p><p>"My mistake." She shrugged.</p><p>The woman left for the back room and Dean wanted to call her back. Not for looking, but for another presence. Somebody to guide him back from the currents of his mind as he forced his feet to work and he opened the lobby door and stepped into the misty night.</p><p>***</p><p>It was still the same as it had been all those years ago.</p><p><em>The Cave. </em>Appropriately named for its black painted exterior and inky interior. The air reeked of cigarettes still, even though smoking indoors had been banned years ago. The carpets held every stain from its conception and the vinyl on the bar stools had started to crack. The music wasn't what Dean would have typically listened to, but it was bearable.</p><p>Phantom laughter echoed in Dean's ears. A beautiful, wasted laugh.</p><p>He sat down.</p><p>"What'll it be, man?" the gruff bartender asked. He was new from the last time Dean had ever been to the establishment. It may have been a small town, but at least some things changed.</p><p>Then again, some things never would. They were ingrained in its history and the history Dean had here.</p><p>"Whiskey," words finally broke Dean's lips and the bartender nodded and walked off to get his drink.</p><p>Dean looked around. The same neon signs adorned the walls. The framed picture of the bar's first dollar bill. Pictures of past employee parties and celebrations. Everyone's smiles immortalized forever. The wall of karaoke night champions, names written in sharpie haphazardly near the machine. Dean smiled at the thought of it. It was nice to know it hadn't been painted over even years later.</p><p>More echoes of laughter.</p><p>Suddenly though, the fog in Dean's mind cleared, and he heard the song playing. The voice sounded familiar, despite him being unfamiliar with the tune.</p><p>
  <em>"A thousand other boys could never reach you, how could I have been the one?"</em>
</p><p>More echoing laughter, but this time it was real.</p><p>Dean slowly turned his head, not knowing what to expect in that moment, but as the bartender placed his glass down and took Dean's card off to run it, he found he suddenly didn't care.</p><p>In the corner stood a man, with his familiar shaggy, but short jet-black hair. His crystal blue eyes closed tightly, and his smile blown wide from laughter. In his hand, he held a green bottle, and he wore his favorite Henley shirt. Dean knew that it was his favorite. He'd just thought he'd never get to see him wear it ever again.</p><p>Dean knew everything about this man.</p><p>The man paused his conversation with the girl beside him and she walked off to the bathroom. The man turned his head and, as cliche as it was, it was as though time stopped.</p><p>"Jamie?" Dean said, almost breathlessly.</p><p>***</p><p>It was strange, the places Dean found himself in lately. Places where hunts went wrong and people died, as though he'd been distracted and not done his best, as his father would have not only wanted, but expected. Places where little werewolf girls made him dance with angels and almost cause his heart to explode out of his chest. Places where he silently danced around Sam and their differences in opinions lately.</p><p>Now places where it felt as though he was walking through thick air, yet simultaneously moving calmly, knowing where his metaphorical feet were going to land.</p><p>
  <em>Jamie had come over to him and hesitated a moment before wrapping him in a large hug.</em>
</p><p>"Should you be drinking that?" Dean asked, the first words he'd spoken in twenty minutes.</p><p>"All the taste," Jamie turned the green bottle Dean's way. "None of the alcohol."</p><p>Dean gave him a surprised look.</p><p>"Third time's a charm." Jamie gave Dean his usual sideways smirk. Dean felt what he could have sworn was electricity shooting through all of his veins at once.</p><p>"Things really have changed since the last time I was here." Dean swallowed hard.</p><p>"Isn't that what's supposed to happen?" Jamie cocked his head and smiled at the bartender as he replaced his non-alcoholic drink with another. Dean couldn't help, but stare as Jamie's sleeve rode up the tiniest bit. The little marks were still there, but they were white now against his tan skin.</p><p>"Ya can barely see 'em anymore." Jamie remarked and motioned to his arms. He took a sip of the fake Heineken and Dean tried not to stare at the way it traveled down his throat. Every movement of Jamie's had always been free flowing.</p><p>"I thought I'd never see you again." Dean mentioned, right in the quiet of the songs changing and a few glasses clinked here and there.</p><p>
  <em>Flashes of white followed by flashes of images of Dean pressed up in the corner of the sticky bathroom hallway wall. His fly undone and his pants sagging down below his ass. His head thrown back. A mess of black hair atop a head before his hips. The pounding of the music and heat from sweaty, drugged up and drunken bodies filling the air.</em>
</p><p>"I figured you never wanted to." Jamie gave him a look and sighed.</p><p>"I came back twice," Dean blurted out, almost like a child desperate for attention. "My dad had…other things to do in town."</p><p>"I know," Jamie smiled, and Dean felt as though he were turning into a puddle. "I appreciated those times, Winchester. You don't know how much they meant to me."</p><p>
  <em>Jamie had him pressed up against the wall of his dilapidated house. Some Toadies song with a nice guitar riff played on a radio somewhere in the background. John Winchester had called him twice, Dean had ignored it both times, and at the time he hadn't cared about the consequences.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jamie's lips had tasted like cotton candy.</em>
</p><p>"You look as though your mind is a million miles away," Jamie commented. "Care to share?"</p><p>Dean hesitated.</p><p>"It's me Dean," Jamie continued and motioned to the back room where they kept the pool tables.</p><p>"You can tell me anything."</p><p>***</p><p>"So, you just don't know how to handle it," Jamie did a hook shot from the right side of the table and sank the ball into the corner pocket. "That's what you're telling me?"</p><p>"I can't believe I'm coming to you for advice on this sort of thing," Dean rolled his eyes playfully and took his turn. He sank the ball as well and Jamie gave him a look that showed he was impressed.</p><p>"I can't believe you're still pretty decent at pool." Jamie chuckled.</p><p>"Pretty decent," Dean faked offense. "I'll have your head for that comment."</p><p>"You're avoiding the question." Jamie responded. Leave it to him to keep Dean on topic when he desperately didn't want to be.</p><p>When Dean still didn't respond, Jamie motioned for him to follow, and led the two of them out the back door of the bar and back into the night air. A slight mist rested low and enveloped Dean's cheeks where they stood. Jamie stared up at the sky with a smile on his face.</p><p>"Are we supposed to be back here?" Dean asked.</p><p>"Did the King of daredevil-ism really just ask me that?" Jamie gave that sideways smirk again. Dean nodded, as if to say: "fair enough".</p><p>"There was one time," Jamie started, hands in his pockets as he continued to look up at the sky. "It was after karaoke night. We laid out in my truck bed back at the house and I blasted Phil Collins for hours because that was what I did when I tripped out. I think this time it was <em>Take Me Home.</em>"</p><p>Dean remembered every detail of that night like it was yesterday.</p><p>"The sky was full of stars," Jamie continued. "You asked me how long I'd known about myself. You were so damn scared of what your dad would think so you swore to me you'd never tell him. I told you that the worst that could happen, if he genuinely loved you, was some yelling, some conflicting emotions on his part, and definitely some confusion."</p><p>"I never told him." Dean admitted. "Nobody knows, but you."</p><p>"I don't blame you," Jamie shrugged. "It's a hard thing to deal with. How do you think I survived in a small backwoods town for so long? Eventually times changed, less people cared, and I cared less about those that still did."</p><p>Dean nodded, feeling his eyes pricking with liquid at the corners, and he tried to will it away. What even was he anymore?</p><p>"If you want my advice Dean," Jamie placed a hand on his shoulder and looked into his eyes. For a brief second, Dean saw other familiar blue eyes. Blue eyes he wanted to live in.</p><p>"This world is an unforgiving place," Jamie explained. "She won't care how many regrets you have at the end. She'll still take you. Live now but live well. That, and whatever other nonsense the rehab place taught me. I still don't want to admit that it worked this time."</p><p>Dean chuckled this time and Jamie turned to leave, pulling out his car keys, and looking up at the sky one last time.</p><p>"We're but tiny drops in a giant bowl of water and dirt for such a short time," Jamie quoted, Dean assumed from his facility. Dean felt lips on his cheek and Jamie smiled when the green-eyed hunter met his gaze.</p><p>"Make it count."</p><p>Moments later, Jamie left no trace that he had even existed at all. Dean could feel his presence still. The air had a charge to it all of a sudden and the memories came back in a flood. The sound of cars on the interstate. It wasn't long before Dean realized he tasted no whiskey on his breath. He heard no neon buzzing signs. The car to the left of him showed its true colors.</p><p>Old rust from years and years of sitting outside.</p><p>He turned to face what once was the bar. The windows were boarded up and the glass in a few of them was shattered. Old half broken bottles with long faded labels sat in the back near the dumpster. Dean felt his chest start to ache with longing. He wanted to go back. He wanted to do it right this time.</p><p>But the bar was long gone, and Jamie Bower had been for years too.</p><p>He would have stayed longer, but the local cops would probably arrest him for trespassing. He heard the laughter again. The ghostly karaoke machine, long since dead, blaring a song it shouldn't have been playing, but it wasn't really.</p><p>It had been the strangest, yet most peaceful, encounter Dean had had with a ghost in years.</p><p>***</p><p>Dean was tired when he returned to the motel room. Bone tired, as he liked to call it. He looked out the back-motel room sliding doors to see Castiel sitting outside, staring up at the same sky Dean had been looking at prior.</p><p>His conversation with the front desk lady still rang through Dean's mind.</p><p>
  <em>"I've seen you before," she'd said. "Years ago."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"How do you know?" Dean had asked, a bit pissed, but mostly disappointed in how the evening had gone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I never forget a face, sug." The woman had smiled.</em>
</p><p>Dean turned down the blankets and stripped his clothes. His body still hurt, but the fever had long since passed. He doubted there would be sleep tonight. Not with the dreams he was bound to have. He stared out at Castiel one last time.</p><p>"<em>Make it count."</em></p><p>Dean closed his eyes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A/N: A small explanation: I'm sure many of you took a guess, but everything Dean saw in this chapter wasn't real. It was sort of a time warp/mirage type deal, where everything seemed real, but it really wasn't. Basically, the bar was the mirage and Jamie was a ghost trapped in time with a few modifications via Dean's mind (his sobriety, the kiss on the cheek, etc.). Jamie Bower is an OC of mine that (in other stories and past roleplays) was a good friend of Dean's way back in the day despite him not being a hunter himself. Jamie was a drug addict (heroin being his favorite, hence the track marks Dean mentions on his arms in this chapter) and for the purpose of this story, he was also an old flame of Dean's. I hope the scene with him, and Dean was both cool and made sense to everywhere.</p><p>As you can probably tell from the number of words, I had a blast with this chapter. I hope everyone else enjoyed as well. More to come soon!</p><p>Songs Mentioned:</p><p>Black Balloon by The Goo Goo Dolls</p><p>Kashmir by Led Zeppelin</p><p>Possum Kingdom by Toadies</p><p>Take Me Home by Phil Collins</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Six</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eileen's text had filled Sam with a whole new sense of determination.</p><p>
  <em>Couple of ghosts. Sioux Falls area. Catch me if you can.</em>
</p><p>The playfulness of the last line was what got him. Nobody had pushed his buttons so teasingly in such a long time, he almost wasn't used to it. Almost. The pair had been secretly texting and meeting up at various hunts ever since she'd left the bunker the first time. One would think, with the prophesized end of the world coming, there wouldn't be time for such things.</p><p>Sam thought it was the perfect time.</p><p>All their lives the brothers had traded happiness for guns. Solitude for salt. Kinship for late night motel rooms and greasy diner food that, after a while, would surely kill a man. Sure, one-night stands satisfied the primal side, but Sam, from day one, had known he always wanted more out of life.</p><p>He'd thought he'd found it with Jessica, who he would still consider to be the great love of his life, and that had managed to be foiled too. There were years in between of "what ifs" and "almosts", but now the world was ending. For real this time.</p><p>Jessica would want him to finally be happy, Chuck rest her soul.</p><p>Sam's fingers flew over his phone's keyboard.</p><p>
  <em>I'll be there. I'm not sure it'll be as easy to give Dean the slip this time.</em>
</p><p>He waited a moment until he heard the ding of a reply and zipped up his duffel bag.</p><p>
  <em>Well, hopefully we'll just run into one another by "accident" then ;)</em>
</p><p>The winking face sent an unusual shiver down Sam's spine and he smiled after pocketing his phone and locking up his room. He made his way down the dank motel hallway and passed door after similar door until he reached Dean's room.</p><p>He threw open the door and found Dean zipping up his own bag. Castiel was sitting awkwardly on the couch, not saying much beyond nodding to acknowledge Sam's entrance.</p><p>"I was looking at cases." Sam piped up and Dean looked over at him with tired eyes, blackened around the edges.</p><p>"Rash of ghosts in the Sioux Falls area," Sam cleared his throat. "Nobody's taken it yet."</p><p>Dean threw his duffel over his shoulder and sighed before breaking into a slightly forced smile.</p><p>"Well," he replied. "We haven't paid Jody a visit in a while. I say it's time."</p><p>***</p><p>Dean took the back road on purpose.</p><p>The streets of Arrowsmith were silent. The place was practically a ghost town. Only a few people remained in every other house. Old cars with weeds growing out of them adorned driveways and children screamed and played with half inflated balls and broken-down toys in the overgrown yards. An older man gave the car a silent wave from his rotting couch on his front porch as they passed.</p><p>"You and dad spent three weeks here? Why?" Sam mentioned.</p><p>"Yeah," Dean replied. It was the first time the brothers had spoken more than a sentence to one another in weeks. "Djinns. For some reason, a whole pack of them decided to take residence here. Makes sense, it's adjacent to some bigger towns, but not too big. Endless victims without calling attention to themselves…until they did."</p><p>Sam nodded, looking out the window as Dean continued to drive. Castiel remained silent in the backseat, staring down at his feet. Dean resisted the urge to say something.</p><p>"We finally got all of them," Dean kept talking to keep the uncomfortable silence from taking over. "Took forever. Dad really didn't want me involved after a while. He'd managed to find another hunter to help."</p><p>"Why?" Sam asked. Dean was instantly transported back to when Sam was younger and had a well of endless questions bouncing around in his head.</p><p>"I guess he was mad at me about something," Dean rolled his eyes. "Who knows that time. Either way, I found things to do. When I wasn't helping them with the paper trail related to the hunt, I was off having a good time at that bar…"</p><p>Dean trailed off when he saw what was happening next to them.</p><p>"Right over there…"</p><p>It must have happened overnight. A demolition crew was in the process of tearing down one of the walls of <em>The Cave. </em>The brakes squealed when Dean hit them and Sam shot forward against his seat belt, giving Dean a confused look. Castiel lifted his head as Dean quickly pulled into a parking space and jumped out of the car.</p><p>"What are you doing?" Dean yelled at the construction manager who turned to look at him.</p><p>"What's it look like, kid." The guy replied, adjusting the clipboard under his arm.</p><p>"You can't just…" Dean trailed off. He knew his attempts were futile. The place would be gone by the time they hit the interstate.</p><p>"I just had a lot of memories here, that's all."</p><p>"We all did, kid." The manager patted Dean's shoulder and continued to signal for the bulldozer to come forward. Dean turned to his two companions, Castiel staring blankly and Sam wondering if Dean had lost his mind.</p><p>"Sorry," Dean said. "We can go now. I just…when dad and I were here for weeks that one time, I made a friend. We used to hang out at this bar."</p><p>Castiel cocked his head and the longer Dean stared at him, the more he knew that Castiel was peering into his thoughts of said friend. The angel then wordlessly turned his gaze away from Dean.</p><p>"Let me know when you're ready." Sam nodded and turned back to the Impala. Castiel got into the backseat, slamming the door shut.</p><p>Dean turned to look one last time. One of the walls was already gone, revealing the others that were still covered in memorabilia. Hell, even the first dollar bill the bar had made was still there. Dean would have suspected most people in town would be desperate for even a dollar. He could still hear the karaoke machine from the night before. That damn laugh too.</p><p>
  <em>"Make it count."</em>
</p><p>Dean felt something move under his boot and he looked down to what he'd just stepped on. A piece of the karaoke wall lay strewn on the asphalt below. A few names were cut off around the edges. Names of various drunken citizens who probably wouldn't even remember the place.</p><p>Smack dab in the center were two sets of initials: DW, JB.</p><p>Dean looked up at the clouds, knowing full well this couldn't possibly be a coincidence. Yet, here he was in a world that Chuck had created and then torn apart with his very brain and hands. Maybe some things didn't just happen.</p><p>Then again, maybe they did.</p><p>Dean clutched the piece of wall tightly in his fist and pocketed it.</p><p>The Impala merged onto the highway the moment the bulldozer brought the last wall down.</p><p>***</p><p>Most of the ride to Sioux Falls was quiet. With Sam afraid to ask anything, Dean afraid to tell anything, and Castiel caught somewhere in between. Dean blinked the weariness out of his eyes the moment after they passed the city sign.</p><p>"I must go," Castiel suddenly announced. "I'll return when you need me."</p><p>Before either Dean or Sam could say anything, the angel took off in a flap of wings, and the air in the car felt heavier than before. Sam blew air out of his cheeks and Dean gripped the steering wheel as tight as humanly possible. The weight of the wall piece in his pocket only adding to his feelings of guilt.</p><p>He knew Castiel had seen Jamie in his head.</p><p>A side of himself that Dean had yet to tell anyone. Not even Sam. There were things that were never meant to be shared, he supposed.</p><p>Or perhaps that was just John Winchester talking.</p><p>***</p><p>When they showed up at Jody's door, she looked shocked to see them.</p><p>"Well," Jody said. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"</p><p>"The hunt in town," Dean replied, just as confused. "Sam told me you said it was okay for us to crash here for a few days."</p><p>Sam gave Jody a look, warning her not to call his bluff. She looked over at the younger Winchester, expecting an explanation, but silently going along with it.</p><p>"Of course," Jody acted like a tired, new mom would upon answering the doorbell. "Sorry, must have slipped my mind. Girls! Sam and Dean are here!"</p><p>"Studying, mom!" Alex called out. "I'll say hi later!"</p><p>Jody smiled endearingly and let the brothers through the front door. The house was warm, packed to the brim with furniture and blankets draped over every place to sit. The smell from the kitchen was heavenly. Dean closed his eyes for a moment, trying to ingrain every smell and sight into his memory. It was so rare they had things like this.</p><p>"Claire's making dinner," Jody explained. "Hope you're hungry. It's rosemary chicken and roast potatoes."</p><p>"You know it." Dean smiled enthusiastically and turned when he felt a presence from the hallway. Claire leaned against the door frame and smirked at him.</p><p>"C'mere kid." Dean laughed and pulled her into a hug, giving her a noogie and Claire waved his hand away playfully. Sam announced he was taking a shower and walked to the room he usually claimed when they stayed at Jody's, shutting the door behind him. Jody stared and Claire raised an eyebrow.</p><p>"That," Jody pointed. "Is something y'all are explaining later."</p><p>***</p><p>Dinner was nothing less than fantastic and, much to both Dean and Sam's delight, Jody and the girls kept the conversation mostly on themselves. Alex mentioned her schooling and how close she was to being done with community college. Patience was off visiting family. Jody had been given yet another raise and was looking to retire at the end of the year. Claire bragged about her hunting and the cases she'd successfully solved.</p><p>There was another place setting, unoccupied forever more. Dean noticed Claire's eyes trailed to it occasionally when she wasn't speaking.</p><p>Sam helped Jody with the dishes. Alex bid everyone goodnight. Dean stood, sort of awkwardly in the middle of the living room floor looking around, until his eyes drifted outside.</p><p>Claire sat on the front step, a beer in her hand, and she looked up at the night sky. Dean's feet moved in a robotic fashion in her direction.</p><p>"Mind if I join you?" he asked, and she turned her head his way.</p><p>He sat down. Claire still stared at the sky.</p><p>"Sorry Cas didn't come with us this time," Dean said, the mention of his name drawing the beer bottle he held to Dean's lips. "Truth be told, I don't know where he went."</p><p>"It's okay," Claire finally replied. "Really."</p><p>"You okay, kid?" Dean asked.</p><p>It was a stupid question. He knew the answer by the look on her face.</p><p>"Do you ever just wonder why things happen." Claire mentioned.</p><p>"All the damn time." Dean shook his head and took another drink.</p><p>"No," Claire shot back, not realizing her tone at first, but Dean let her continue. "I mean like, why is happiness fleeting sometimes?"</p><p>Images flashed in Dean's head. Memories long forgotten lately. Dreams he'd had recently. He understood exactly what she meant.</p><p>"We get handed good things," Claire threw her hands up in the air. "Then they're taken away just like that, without any regard for how we feel."</p><p>"I think you just pretty much described life." Dean replied.</p><p>"It shouldn't be like that though," Claire's voice cracked. "It just shouldn't…be like that."</p><p>Dean looked over at her, worry filling his eyes. The corners of Claire's eyes filled with tears that threatened to fall.</p><p>"It took all I had to tell Jody," Claire wiped her eyes. "About me. About what I…like. I was gonna say something to Kaia. I almost did, but then everything happened."</p><p>"I understand," Dean replied, choking a little on his own spit and words.</p><p>"It's hard to come out," Claire chuckled a little. "It's one of the hardest things I ever did. I don't know why I thought Jody would be mad. She's the farthest thing from a Bible thumper. Am I crazy?"</p><p>"For being afraid?" Dean asked. "No. I can only imagine."</p><p>He could imagine. He imagined it every day. The conversations that probably would have gone down with John Winchester back in his hay day. Dean almost cringed at the scenarios he'd managed to come up with. Although, they'd never happened. Dean had always been careful.</p><p>He always would be.</p><p>"For what it's worth," Claire said. "Whether I got the girl or not, I'm glad I did it. It's like shedding a skin I didn't even know I had hanging on me."</p><p>Dean considered her words, wondering if she'd say anything else. If he should say anything, but then Claire gave him a look. A knowing look and a smile. His left hand, the one she couldn't see, shook. She tipped her beer bottle's neck to his and they clinked them.</p><p>The clouds cleared and the sky filled with stars.</p><p>***</p><p>Sam double checked that his pistol was loaded with the right bullets and that he had at least one piece of iron on him.</p><p>He also looked at himself in the mirror and checked his teeth for rosemary even after brushing, flossing, and using mouthwash.</p><p>Carefully, he closed the door to his bedroom, and treaded lightly down the hall. A few lights were on here and there to guide the way to the bathroom and the kitchen, but the house was deathly quiet. The crickets chirped excitedly outside, and Sam tried to match their sounds with the creaks in the floorboards.</p><p>He was almost to the door when he felt eyes on him.</p><p>"Why'd you lie to Dean?" Jody asked, spinning around in an armchair near the couch. She had a cup of tea in front of her and a book in her hand.</p><p>"Because he'd have stopped me from coming here on my own."</p><p>"What's here?" Jody inquired. "Besides me."</p><p>Sam gave Jody a sideways look and reached for the keys to her spare car she often let the brothers use while they were in town.</p><p>"You're an adult Sam," Jody said. "You shouldn't have to sneak around."</p><p>"Yeah," Sam pursed his lips and sighed. "Somehow, my family has never seen it that way."</p><p>Jody did her best not to worry as Sam walked out the door into the night.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Read and Review!</p><p>A/N: I'm just on a roll. I haven't felt this enthusiastic about a fanfiction in years. Hopefully, the feeling continues. I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. I'm especially proud of Claire's talk with Dean. That being (also) said, Happy Pride Month if I haven't said it before now!</p><p>I set this more in the middle of Season 15 for references to characters. We're also gonna assume Jack stayed dead. </p><p>See you next chapter!</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Seven</h2></a>
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    <p>The ruins that Castiel sat by mocked him.</p><p>The 'Big House', as it had often been affectionately called, stood half destroyed in the center of Heaven. It's alabaster walls were crumbling in on themselves, having taken several hundreds of hits over the past few years. It was hard to even imagine what it had once looked like before all the wars.</p><p>Before Castiel had ever taken that fateful trip to Hell.</p><p>Castiel turned his gaze upon the pool of water forming at the base of the building. So much of Heaven's infrastructure had changed since the war between his brothers had gone awry. Castiel supposed he had never truly noticed until now.</p><p>Without truly meaning to, he managed to manifest Dean in the pool of water. His voice echoed in Castiel's head.</p><p>
  <em>"And why would an angel, rescue me from Hell?"</em>
</p><p>"Castiel."</p><p>A familiar voice yanked Castiel from his staring and the image of Dean vanished from the water just as quickly.</p><p>"Cathalsis." Castiel nodded.</p><p>"We haven't spoken for a while," Cathalsis, the official Healer of Heaven, came forward, his vessel's vibrant eyes hidden behind glasses that belonged to the man he'd possessed. His medic robes hugged his body.</p><p>"Well," Castiel bowed his head and swallowed hard. "There has been a lot happening."</p><p>"That's the understatement of the century," Cathalsis replied. "Where's Father, now right? Now that everything he claimed he loved is crumbling."</p><p>"As much as I hate to admit it," Castiel said, his eyes meeting Cathalsis' once again.</p><p>"I have been asking myself the same damn thing."</p><p>***</p><p>"This garden used to more vibrant," Cathalsis said. "So full of life. I miss it."</p><p>The Garden of Eden was hardly anything to write home about any longer. Most of the plants had either shriveled up and died or were well on their way. What was once a seemingly long beautiful walk to the other parts of Heaven, the parts the souls were kept in, was now a short tearful one. Castiel and Cathalsis sat upon an iron bench, often used by the gatekeeper to the garden to keep watch.</p><p>"Do you remember the day you were chosen?" Cathalsis asked with a tiny smile.</p><p>"Better than any other day of my existence." Castiel replied.</p><p>
  <em>There was a crowd. A rather large crowd of angels. God's children, all waiting patiently for a piece of the moment that would change everything. They had heard vicious rumors. The kind that wouldn't sleep and carried on through the night like lost souls without a purpose. Their long-forgotten brother was planning something, something big.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Settle down!" Raphael had cried out. The angels had quieted immediately.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was then that Raphael had called his strongest angels forth. It was then that Castiel and those chosen to follow him into Hell had walked behind closed doors and had been briefed on what they were supposed to do. It was then that Castiel had seen Dean's face for the first time and he knew deep down that he had finally found his purpose.</em>
</p><p>"You were so happy that day," Cathalsis playfully shook his head. "I hadn't seen that emotion from you, practically ever. Not since you and your sister were born."</p><p>"I had a purpose," Castiel replied. "A mission from God, or so I thought…"</p><p>"We all began to question things after that day," Cathalsis nodded. "There were orders coming from voices I didn't recognize, and even scarier still voices that I did. Voices that weren't our Father. Voices that had once spoken to Lucifer in the same tone, agreed with him."</p><p>"And you did nothing?" Castiel questioned.</p><p>"I wasn't sure then," Cathalsis replied, looking downward as though ashamed. "I couldn't tell if it was coming from God or not. The orders. The stories of hope. I just knew that you would save us by saving Dean Winchester. That I knew for sure."</p><p>"It was all a lie though," Castiel turned to his friend. "Everyone wanted our archangel brothers to fight. I was simply a cog in the machine."</p><p>"Castiel you led a revolution," Cathalsis turned to face Castiel and placed his hands on his shoulders, forcing him to look him in the eye. "After you begun to question things, everyone did. It drove those assholes insane, you basically becoming one of the humans. Encouraging others to follow in your place. I believe the phrase became "all because of one man"."</p><p>Castiel turned his gaze to the ground. The dirt below him was half dead too.</p><p>"I didn't intend to turn anyone against Heaven." Castiel sighed.</p><p>"None of us can change our fates," Cathalsis replied, getting up from the bench both of them sat on. "They simply just happen as they're intended to."</p><p>Cathalsis walked away, leaving Castiel staring at the back gate and the entrances to the various Heavens.</p><p>Castiel begun walking.</p><p>***</p><p>Bobby Singer hadn't known that Heaven would have been anything like it was.</p><p>His Heaven changed. Daily. He could make it anything he wanted it to be, day in and day out the happiest memories of his life, and yet, he always felt as though there would be an end. Something to shock him back to reality. Some monster lurking around a corner that he'd have to kill, but it never came. Honestly, it was the best thing that could have ever happened to him.</p><p>Today it was sitting in his recliner in the living room, stuck in a memory from about thirty years prior.</p><p>"Bobby," young Dean's voice rang out pitifully from the couch in the other room. "I need you."</p><p>Bobby stood, immediately waltzing into the other room, and coming over to young Dean's side. Dean was covered by a warm blanket, he shivered, and his face was quite pale. Bobby paused only upon hearing a flap of wings behind him.</p><p>"Figured you'd show up eventually," Bobby said, turning to face Castiel. "Bout time."</p><p>"My apologies," Castiel replied, hands in his pockets. "I was simply just wandering Heaven and ended up here. I guess I was seeking solace."</p><p>"You and me both kid," Bobby chuckled and then turned to face a young sickly Dean again. The younger version of Dean had fallen asleep again, sweat pooling on his forehead, and Bobby sighed louder, placing his hand to the young man's forehead.</p><p>"Do you go back to this memory often?" Castiel cocked his head at the sleeping younger version of Dean and he felt something leap ever so slightly in his chest.</p><p>"I was like a dad to these boys," Bobby explained. "John did the best he could, but it wasn't enough. I was the one who hugged them when they cried. The one who bandaged the bruises and brought down the fevers. The one who cleaned up the vomit and taught them how to be good men. John didn't do that. I did."</p><p>Castiel heard the crack in Bobby's voice and he came closer to the younger version of Dean, taking his hand and wiping back the boys hair that managed to stick to his forehead. Dean didn't wake.</p><p>"I go back to this memory," Bobby said. "Because it's one of the ones where I gave at least one of them a sense of normalcy. I have other similar memories with Sam. I just loved them so much and it hurts me so much to know what their lives have become because of you."</p><p>"I-." Castiel began, but then swallowed his words. He looked away and then started to leave the room.</p><p>"I wasn't finished," Bobby stated and Castiel stopped. He faced the older hunter once more.</p><p>"You may have started this whole thing on the wrong side, but you proved a lot of things I thought wrong. You let Sam live after all he was groomed for and all he did. You sacrificed an entire family, all you ever knew, for my boys."</p><p>Bobby placed a hand on Castiel's shoulder.</p><p>"You love them for everything that they are," Bobby nodded. "And everything they've yet to be. Especially Dean."</p><p>Castiel stammered. He tried to find words. There were none. He felt cornered like a snake and a hungry mongoose.</p><p>"It would take more than a blind man to miss that," Bobby gave him a crooked smile. "Dean told me once, in his own jumbled drunken words and in confidence, about himself. I never told a soul because I knew he was terrified. He still is, but you make him less afraid of everything somehow. He seems…safe around you. Happy. It's all I could have ever asked for him no matter who or what he ended up with."</p><p>"Was he afraid of his father's disapproval?" Castiel asked.</p><p>"In the beginning yeah," Bobby shrugged. "Then mine and Sam's, then the rest of the world, and finally you."</p><p>"Me?" Castiel cocked his head.</p><p>"I think the damn idjit's really just afraid of you rejecting him." Bobby explained.</p><p>Younger Dean let out a few hard coughs and Bobby turned to face him.</p><p>"I'd better take this," he motioned to the kid and Castiel nodded, turning to leave.</p><p>"Bobby," Castiel said. "Thank you."</p><p>Bobby nodded and the angel disappeared in a flap of wings.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Read and Review!</p><p>A/N: This was more of a Castiel centered chapter, but I figured he deserved some of the spotlight. It is Destiel after all, he's an important part of the ship. Castiel is dealing with a lot of his own mixed feelings regarding Dean and fairly soon they'll come to light. I am really sorry this chapter took so long; I have been mildly depressed lately and am trying my best to bounce back from it. Hopefully, future chapters will not take as long, and I hope everybody enjoyed this one.</p><p>Another note: Cathalsis is an OC of mine that's been in a few other fics of mine. He's Heaven's healer and does a fantastic job. Hope everybody liked him. I also have a headcanon that Castiel and Hannah were born on the same day. Ignoring all the creepy romantic stuff that happened between them, I'd like to think they were more siblings than lovers obviously. That's where the "sister" reference Cathalsis made comes in.</p><p>See you next chapter!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Eight</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Those first few moments after were Sam's favorite.</p><p>After a hunt, when you could finally lay your weapons down and your shot nerves went with them. After a good cry when you felt lighter than before. After a long day when you could finally climb into bed and let the world drift away into darkness for a few peaceful hours.</p><p>After sex when the high was still there.</p><p>Eileen lay naked under the sheets next to him, staring lovingly. Sam ran a hand through his hair and gave her a childish grin. Streets lights leaked through the motel window onto the plain tan sheets they were under and the sound of passing cars in the distance added a nice reliable echo to the quiet.</p><p>"I swear you get better every time." Eileen said.</p><p>Sam snorted.</p><p>"I'm serious," she playfully slapped his chest. "You blow my mind every single time this happens, Sam Winchester."</p><p>Sam chuckled and laid back into the motel pillows. The sheets were draped halfway over his lower half, covering all of the most vital parts, and leaving one of his legs halfway exposed. The air conditioning felt wonderful against his rapidly cooling skin. Eileen snuggled into his neck for a moment before realizing he was staring intently up at the popcorn ceiling.</p><p>"Everything alright?" she asked.</p><p>Sam shifted, making sure she could see his mouth before he spoke.</p><p>"I just don't know what I'm gonna tell Dean."</p><p>"The truth?" Eileen suggested.</p><p>"I already tried that," Sam replied. "He doesn't know we're still doing this."</p><p>Eileen let out a deep sigh and Sam rolled over to face her, rubbing her side and trying his best to comfort her. He pushed some stray hairs from her eye and gave her a small smile. She returned it soon after.</p><p>"What is Dean afraid of?" Eileen asked.</p><p>"Witches," Sam offered. "Also, his hair being messy."</p><p>"I meant regarding us," Eileen chuckled.</p><p>Sam watched her carefully as she sat up and leaned over the edge of the bed for his t-shirt. His heart fluttered at the sight of her naked body and the way she stretched as she pulled it over her body, and it enveloped her. She laid back down and Sam almost forgot what he was talking about.</p><p>"Is he scared of losing you?"</p><p>"To be honest," Sam replied. "I think he's more scared of what Chuck will do."</p><p>Eileen cocked her head at him, having momentarily forgotten about all that was happening in the world. The hunts ate up most of her time, but whenever there was a spare moment, she was either sleeping, training, or thinking about the next time she'd see Sam.</p><p>"I mean I don't blame him," Eileen shrugged, the sheets scrunching up when she did so. "I feel like one day I'm just gonna wake up and this is gonna be a dream."</p><p>"It's a beautiful dream then," Sam smiled.</p><p>The air conditioner buzzed in monotony A car backfired in the distance. Sam ran his hand over Eileen's arm.</p><p>"Dean is afraid of a lot of things," Sam explained. "He's afraid of what's going to happen if we don't stop Chuck. He's afraid of telling of Cas how he feels. He's afraid I'll fly too close to the sun once I'm happy and end up losing everything I worked hard for."</p><p>"Does he know that you know?" Eileen asked.</p><p>"About two of those things," Sam said. "Yes. About Cas? No."</p><p>"Well anybody could see that from a mile away." Eileen sat up.</p><p>"Apparently not Dean," Sam sat up as well, reaching for his discarded boxers and pulling them on. He turned to face her once again and ran his fingers through his hair.</p><p>"He's as blind as it gets. I just wish he would take a chance. He claims we're the ones running out of time for happiness, but he won't just take his. It doesn't bother me, his preferences. Hell, we've all experimented."</p><p>Eileen gave Sam a look.</p><p>"It was college," he continued. "The guy's famous now. Either way, I wanted to know so I figured it out. I just wish Dean weren't scared and would do the same."</p><p>"Everybody does things in their own time," Eileen patted Sam's arm, making her way past him into the bathroom. "That's what Lillian always said. Have some faith in your brother, he'll figure it out."</p><p>Eileen started the shower, leaving Sam to contemplate her words.</p><p>***</p><p>Dawn broke and Dean stretched and sat up in bed.</p><p>The sun shone through the cracks in the blinds and Dean blinked a few times before throwing the covers off of him and getting up. He ran a hand through his messy hair and stared at himself in the mirror.</p><p>The world felt so simple in that moment, quiet and bright. One never would have guessed that it could be ending soon. Dean suddenly felt as though he'd been punched in the gut just thinking about it.</p><p>"Hello Dean."</p><p>Dean jumped, realizing Castiel now stood in the room. The angel had been gone for over forty-eight hours, not that Dean was admitting to counting, and he'd begun to wonder if Castiel would even come back at all after what had happened.</p><p>Dean cast a quick glance downward and adjusted himself. Damn morning time.</p><p>"Damn it Cas," Dean replied, but only halfheartedly. "This couldn't have waited til after coffee?"</p><p>"Forgive me Dean," Castiel nodded. "I forgot about humans and their affinity for coffee."</p><p>Dean rolled his neck, rubbing at the back of it, trying to find words. He wasn't used to speaking to anybody in the mornings. Sam had become an acquired taste per say, but luckily the younger Winchester was usually the earlier riser.</p><p>"It's alright Cas," Dean stared into Castiel's eyes and paused a moment. The way the sun shone in, it illuminated the blue in them, making it seem as though he were looking into a warm water ocean. Flashes of the other day came into Dean's head. The bar and what Castiel would have seen in his head.</p><p>"I'm just glad you're here."</p><p>Dean waited nervously. Castiel smiled, and though it seemed a little forced, Dean didn't comment.</p><p>"I am too."</p><p>***</p><p>"Morning boys," Jody called out from the kitchen. "There are pancakes on a plate near the stove! Coffee is hot! I gotta head to the station, but I'll be back tonight for dinner."</p><p>Dean nodded, passing by a fully uniformed Jody as she made her way out the door. A bagel in her left hand and mouth and a mug of coffee in her right. She hip bumped the door open and nodded goodbye to Sam, who sat at the dining room table reading the local paper.</p><p>"Well don't you look peachy," Dean commented, regarding Sam's ragged appearance. He'd been up half the night at Eileen's going over the case.</p><p>"Research takes a lot of time Dean," Sam replied, and started on another article. "Speaking of which, I have a lead."</p><p>"Do tell." Dean poured himself a cup of coffee and handed Castiel a mug. Their fingers touched for a moment and Castiel looked away, pretending nothing had happened. Dean cleared his throat, trying his best not to run into the table as he sat down. His knee banging against the leg and he grunted.</p><p>"The ghosts seem to manifesting at the same time on the dot for past few weeks," Sam explained. "Knowing Chuck, since we're here, he'll go for some movie magic and rise them all near a graveyard or in a deep dark forest or some crap like that."</p><p>"So, this is one of those drive around town and try to find something type deals?" Dean asked.</p><p>"Seems to be that way," Sam sighed. "What do you say Claire?"</p><p>Claire had entered the kitchen, smiling at Castiel, and giving him a giant hug as she made her way to the coffee pot.</p><p>"Stake out?" Claire replied. "Hell yes."</p><p>"What about you Cas?" Dean asked.</p><p>Castiel looked over at the elder hunter, looking him over, probably still looking for any signs of werewolf infection leftover although there were none. Dean had felt well for a while now.</p><p>He'd just yet to feel fully okay.</p><p>"Yes," Castiel nodded. "I'll be where I'm needed."</p><p><em>"Here, with us," </em>Dean thought. "<em>With me. Stay please. Don't fly off back to Heaven. I can explain my earlier thoughts."</em></p><p>He didn't say any of that though.</p><p>"Thanks Cas." Dean said instead and took a sip of his coffee.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Read and Review!</p><p>A/N: Sorry this update took so long guys. I just got a new job and today was my first day! It went well, but I won't have as much time for writing anymore. Don't worry though, my stories will not go unfinished. I actually have a few other ideas circulating in my brain and I have written first chapters for them, but they will not be published until my first stories are done. Either way, I hope everyone enjoyed this installment and I will see you soon in the next one!</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There were quite a few things Dean could count on during a hunt: good coffee, good tunes (because he was in charge of the radio nine times out of ten), and some good old-fashioned salting and burning if it came to that.</p><p>The few things Dean hadn't counted on presented themselves during the stake out.</p><p>Sam had sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck when he had mentioned Eileen Leahy was in town and hunting the same thing the brothers were. He hadn't so much as asked, but rather almost silently demanded that she join in the effort alongside him and Dean. Dean had only narrowed his gaze and tried his best to sound supportive, despite still thinking it was a bad idea for Sam to be hanging around her. He'd had too much floating around in his jumbled mind to argue though.</p><p>The second obstacle was Claire. She had wanted to join in, claiming she was itching for a good hunt. Jody was already occupying the west end of the town, hot on patrol for criminals along with specters. Sam and Eileen had taken off on foot. Sam having sensed Dean's awkwardness and figured it best to distance themselves. This left Castiel with Dean and Claire in the Impala, sitting on the east side and watching the train tracks.</p><p>"I forgot there weren't parts of hunting that were exciting." Claire piped up.</p><p>She picked underneath her fingernails. She had her feet kicked up onto the seat of the Impala, but she remained as vigilant as a hawk. Dean admired her ability to still relax in some way during a hunt. Of course, this particular hunt wasn't exceedingly high stakes.</p><p>"Sorry they left that part out in class." Dean replied, adjusting his back mirror so he could see her. "Feet off the upholstery."</p><p>"My shoes are clean," Claire retorted, looking off into the distance behind the Impala's rear end. "No sign of spirits yet. You?"</p><p>"Nothing from up front," Dean muttered, still a bit upset about the shoe issue, but willing to let it go based on how intently Claire was paying attention to what was happening around her.</p><p>"I suspect they'll be out soon," Castiel mentioned, motioning to the clock on the dashboard. "It's close to eleven."</p><p>"Did anybody bring coffee?" Claire asked. "I've got homework due tomorrow at noon."</p><p>"Thought you gave up school?" Dean asked, genuinely surprised at her question. Long ago Claire had explicitly stated that she would rather hunt than pursue anything academic. A sentiment which Dean both openly despised, but secretly hoped for. The world needed more hunters badly ever since Chuck had gone an initial round of playing games. Yet, he also had hope eventually for a normal life for anyone in the business.</p><p>He'd seen glimpses of his own normal life. Something that was just ever so slightly out of reach.</p><p>"I promised Jody I'd take at least one class," Claire replied. "Myths and Legends of America. Figured it would come in handy."</p><p>"Well I am proud of you," Castiel leaned back to face her. "As I'm sure your father would be too. You're a brilliant young mind."</p><p>"Way to lay it on thick Cas," Claire felt her cheeks flush and she smirked. "Thanks for the compliment though."</p><p>"You're welcome Claire." Castiel smiled and Dean found himself staring for a moment.</p><p>The angel's smile had always been a point of fascination for the hunter. It had been nonexistent when the pair had first met. Castiel's lack of emotion had made it harder to hide the initial attraction Dean had felt towards him. It had been so long since a man had turned his head, Dean had suspected it was simply a flight of fancy that would go away the moment he got somebody into bed with him. After all, it had been far too long. It was part of the reason he'd agreed to sleep with Anna.</p><p>The feeling had remained even after the passion that ensued. He'd felt Castiel's eyes on him the moment Anna had kissed him, and Dean had felt a twinge of guilt directed towards himself for still feeling the way he did. It had been the first emotion Castiel had shown: disappointment. Dean had seen it in those crystal blue eyes, and it had sent a punch straight through his gut to his spine.</p><p>As the years passed, the angel became closer to humans and thus developed more emotions. He'd fallen and become fully human. He'd struggled silently with adjusting and Dean had helped all he could, keeping his own feelings under wraps as it hadn't seemed appropriate.</p><p>That was the excuse he'd come up with. The timing. The supposed wrongness of it all. His own emotional stunting. That had to be it.</p><p>"Dean," Castiel spoke and snapped Dean out of his trance. The hunter realized he'd been staring. "Is everything alright?"</p><p>"Yeah," Dean licked his lips, shaking his head and turning back to face the graveyard beyond the train tracks. His cheeks felt heated from embarrassment.</p><p>"I'm good."</p><p>He pretended not to notice Claire rolling her eyes in the back seat.</p><p>"There." Castiel pointed and from across the way Dean saw it too. Movement. A woman in a long dress walked out from the tree line and casually looked down and around at the graves surrounding her. Slowly, other spirits materialized and greeted her with silent nods and waves. Dean reached down to the middle of the front bucket seat at the same time as Castiel for the iron rods.</p><p>Their fingers brushed against one another for a brief moment, causing the both of them to pause, and Dean silently wished the moment would have lasted eternally.</p><p>As usual, that couldn't be the case. Castiel quickly exited the vehicle and Claire followed. Dean slid from the driver's seat, swallowing a hard lump that was starting to form in his throat and accidentally backing into Claire in the process.</p><p>"You good?" she asked, and Dean was at a loss for words for a moment before he nodded.</p><p>"I'll tell you one thing," she continued, shaking her head as she walked off to follow Castiel. "I could cut the tension in that car with the dullest knife on the planet."</p><p>Dean pocketed his iron and let her words take residence in his head. He suddenly felt as though all his limbs were going numb and he walked without much thought past the train tracks into the cemetery.</p><p>"We just want to talk." Claire announced to the spirits upon stopping before them.</p><p>Castiel, Dean, and Claire lifted their iron the second the spirits turned from calm beings to shrieking banshee-like creatures in a moment's time.</p><p>"So much for that." Claire remarked and took aim at the nearest spirit rushing at her.</p><p>***</p><p>Dean's arms hurt from the number of times he'd taken aim at a ghost and made it vanish. He'd sent the code word to both Jody and Sam in a pre-typed text. Sam was on his way with the spell to make them all vanish for good. The sooner the better, Dean was starting to grow weary.</p><p>Weariness often led to mistakes.</p><p>Dean hadn't anticipated a spirit to manifest behind him and he spun around to see her shrieking face and to be thrown a few feet into a gravestone. Dean's back cracked upon impact, his head lolling for a brief moment before he managed to lift it once again.</p><p>Castiel stood in front of him, facing the spirit with an outstretched arm and blasting her with a wave of his power. Dean closed his eyes tightly and shielded his face as Castiel blasted the spirit away. Claire was busy in the other side of the graveyard, narrowly avoiding headstones and plots as she kept each specter at bay until Sam and the others could arrive.</p><p>"Dean," Castiel knelt down beside the hunter and begun to lift him up. "Are you alright?"</p><p>"You've been asking me an awful lot of that question lately." Dean chuckled and groaned as he got to his feet, still supported by Castiel's right half.</p><p>"It has relevance." Castiel looked over at him and Dean met the angel's gaze. Their faces were so close. He could've reached out to those lips at any given point.</p><p>Tires squealed across the way and Sam, Jody, and Eileen sped from where they stood towards the graveyard. Dean took the opportunity to shrug away from Castiel, despite not wanting to leave his grip. The angel flinched ever so slightly but composed himself upon seeing the apologetic look Dean was hoping he was conveying properly.</p><p>Sam shouted out the banishing spell and the spirits screamed as they contorted and bust into flames. One by one the combusted, until the last cry and then they were gone. Claire panted and leaned against a nearby grave, staring at Jody and the others. Dean nodded at her, then Sam. Eileen ran to Claire, walking with her back to the entrance of the graveyard.</p><p>"That should do it." Jody remarked and Sam nodded. "Where'd you get that book?"</p><p>"Eileen had it," Sam explained, knowing Dean could hear him. He could feel his brother's hard stare as the group started back in the direction of the cars. "She figured it would come in handy."</p><p>***</p><p>Somehow, they ended up at a bar. Claire casually forgot to mention her homework and Jody had the next day off. Eileen and Sam made their way over to the bartender, ordering a drink each, and Castiel joined them. Dean claimed a stool in between Claire and Jody.</p><p>"Forgot to mention this one's twenty-one now," Jody threw her arm around Claire, engulfing her in a side hug and Claire playfully rolled her eyes.</p><p>"I wasn't going to make a big deal out of it." Claire replied.</p><p>Dean broke into a smile. Sam, Eileen, and Castiel joined by their side, drinks in hand. Dean raised his and Jody and Claire followed suit.</p><p>"Well now we've got two reasons to celebrate!" Dean remarked.</p><p>***</p><p>The evening had turned into a blur by the time the group left. Jody and Castiel offering to DD the moment they realized the other hunters of the group had indulged a little too much. Claire climbed into the passenger side of Jody's truck, lazily waving, and smiling like a child. Dean caught a hint of sadness deep down. Claire had needed that night. Kaia still haunted her; he could see it deep down.</p><p>Jody nodded and drove off.</p><p>Sam and Eileen piled into the backseat of the Impala, giggling, and whispering things to each other that Dean couldn't hear. At one-point Sam snorted and Dean watched him throw his arm around Eileen, pulling her close to his chest, and clearly not caring if Dean saw.</p><p>Dean said nothing.</p><p>Instead, he watched the way Castiel's fingers gripped the keys as he turned them in the ignition and begged whatever other Gods were out there, so hard it hurt, that they could be entwined through his own.</p><p>***</p><p>"Forgot it was Claire's birthday," Dean mumbled as he and Castiel stumbled through the door to Dean's bedroom. The alcohol had started to hit harder, and Dean was having a hard time walking, much less articulating most of his words.</p><p>"Feel like an ass about it."</p><p>"I'm sure she forgives you, Dean." Castiel assured him and let go once Dean reached the dresser, where his hand held tight onto the side.</p><p>The room was dull in color to Dean at the moment, but Castiel stood out like a beautiful flame. He broke into a bright smile.</p><p>"You know how hard it is to resist?" Dean asked, swallowing his cotton mouth.</p><p>"I'm not sure I understand, Dean." Castiel cocked his head and Dean chuckled at the sight. It had been so long since Castiel had been utterly clueless.</p><p>"You," Dean threw his arms around Castiel, pulling him in for a tight hug. "How hard it is to resist telling you the biggest thing I've been hiding."</p><p>Dean stared hard into Castiel's eyes, allowing his head to dip ever so slightly, and his lips to graze the corner of the angel's mouth for a mere drunken moment. It was quick, the half kiss, and Dean immediately backed up after, leaving Castiel to stare in shock.</p><p>"Don't know why I'm so damn afraid." Dean chuckled, but it sounded sad, scared.</p><p>Castiel backed away, giving the hunter space to sit down on the edge of the bed, and hesitated a moment before he spoke again.</p><p>"You're drunk Dean," Castiel shook his head, although his heart had begun to race. Dean removed his shoes, licking his lips, and limberly tossed them aside.</p><p>Though it was the closest to a confession Castiel would ever get, he'd take it for what it was.</p><p>"Get some sleep. I'll be here in the house when you wake."</p><p>The angel's gaze lingered even long after he shut the door.</p><p>The room was filled with gentle silence and Dean's chest begun to ache as he sat on the edge of the bed, head in his hands.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Read and Review!</p><p>Whew the ending of this chapter was a bit of a doozy wasn't it my friends? Drunken Dean confessing is one of my favorite tropes and I'm glad I was able to use it. Don't worry, even if Dean might not fully remember this night, Castiel sure will, and it will definitely lead to a conversation or two in the future.</p><p>I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter and I will see you again soon in the next one!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Ten</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Dean had had this dream many times before.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He was in a desert he'd never visited in his waking life. Something out of an America album for sure. Cacti surrounded him, towering over his head, and stretching up into the purple, pink, and blue sky. The dry and cracked ground pushed his feet back up towards him with every stride. As he ran, dust kicked up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He knew he was being followed, but he never knew by what.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Some fearsome creature that even he wouldn't face alone, and Sam was never in this dream. So, he stood practically no chance. He was completely alone, as usual. Dean panted, turning a corner, and ducking behind a rock. He clutched his shirt close, his chest hurting from the lack of water. He pawed for a weapon. Nothing in any of his pockets. Nothing he could use on the ground. Any rocks he picked up were made of clay and crumbled almost immediately in his palms. There was no way he was grabbing a cactus with his bare hands.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He remembered the next part well.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The fear subsided at the call of a hawk in the distance, growing ever closer as Dean closed his eyes and tried to slow his breathing.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He opened one of them, peeking over at the arm of a nearby cactus. Upon it sat a medium sized tawny brown hawk. The same one that always appeared at this moment every time in the dream. Its feathers were pressed against its sides, sporting the black tips they always had. It cocked its head at Dean, as it always did.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Its eyes, a beautiful blue, flashed white as it took flight from the cactus and went off to take care of whatever was chasing Dean. A flash of brilliant white and gold around the corner of the large rock signaled to Dean it was over.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The next part never came.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The hawk always came back, waddled up to him, stared, and sat for a moment until Dean gained his bearings. This time, after the light, the hawk never reemerged. Dean's eyes flew open, but he did not dare turn his head to look around the side of the rock. His heart started to pound unnaturally.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Finally, Dean let a loud scream escape his throat.</em>
</p><p>Dean shot up in bed, drenched with sweat so badly he'd soaked the bed. He hadn't had that dream in months, it seemed. Although, he recalled every detail. It always ended differently. The hawk always came back.</p><p>This time, it had left him alone.</p><p>Dean felt his stomach twist at the thought of that and thrust his bottom half out of bed, so he was sitting up. He began to try and calm his breathing by keeping his eyes closed and placing his head between his knees. He ran his hands across his face, swallowing hard to try and rid himself of cotton mouth.</p><p>Scenes from the night before came back to him. Castiel and what he'd done. Castiel pushing away from him and seemingly uncomfortable with what had transpired.</p><p>Dean resisted the urge to panic. Instead, he dragged himself into the guest room bathroom and started up the shower. He stripped and climbed in, letting the hot water cleanse him. His eyes burned at the salt falling in his eyes from sweat and Dean leaned against the wall.</p><p>He could still feel Castiel's stubble on his lips.</p><p>***</p><p>"There's the sleepy head," Jody announced. "Coffee's ready for whenever."</p><p>Dean couldn't find words, so he simply nodded at the sight of Jody, Sam, and Eileen all sitting at the dining room table. Their conversations having ceased the moment Dean entered the room. Eileen gave him a sheepish smile. Sam seemed to avoid eye contact.</p><p>Dean poured himself a cup and sat down.</p><p>"Anybody seen Cas?"</p><p>Dean practically choked out the words. He could hear the sound of Pearl Jam playing in the distance, coming from Claire's room. Alex was nowhere to be found again, probably off doing homework or studying somewhere. Patience still hadn't returned.</p><p>Yet, Dean could feel the gloomy absence in the house other than just them.</p><p>"You know Cas," Sam replied. "He just disappears without reason sometimes. He'll come back."</p><p>Dean swallowed hard. His dream. The hawk. Castiel. What if he didn't come back? An even worse scenario crossed through Dean's mind.</p><p>What if Castiel didn't want to come back this time?</p><p>***</p><p>After the brothers had loaded up the Impala, Sam posed the question of Eileen crashing with them for a few nights. He pressed the fact that she had come in handy on the last hunt and that she had even more vital information to share regarding other creatures she'd encountered recently. He mentioned it would be good for them to have somebody else around, forcing them to be at least somewhat social.</p><p>Dean also knew, Sam wanted to bang her guts every chance he got.</p><p>Dean agreed, far less worried about the things going on with his little brother, and he could Sam was genuinely shocked at the answer, but secretly delighted. Wordlessly, Eileen nodded at Dean as she tossed her backpack in the passenger side of her car and started it up a moment later.</p><p>Jody hugged both the brothers, giving them a warm smile, and patting them on their backs.</p><p>"Be safe." She said.</p><p>They knew that she knew what was bound to happen soon, it had just yet to be spoken aloud. Jody wasn't stupid and unfortunately, neither was Chuck. The Winchesters knew something big was to happen soon, it was just a matter of when or where.</p><p>Either way, Sam and Dean would be there to pick up the pieces and hopefully keep everyone they cared about alive for another day.</p><p>Claire fist bumped Dean before he walked away to join Sam in the car.</p><p>"I think you should tell him," Claire said. "Tell all of them. Our brains always dream up the worst thing that could ever happen in response to things, but what if the worst that happens is something great?"</p><p>Dean smiled and nodded, taking Claire's words in, and knowing she was right. There would be time for that later though. It was safer if it was later.</p><p>Right now, he just wanted to get home.</p><p>The radio blared U2's <em>All I Want Is You </em>and though Dean wanted desperately to change it, he resisted. It's somberness matched his mood.</p><p>Neither brother spoke as they pulled out of Jody's driveway, Eileen on their tail, and started the long journey back to the bunker.</p><p>***</p><p>The sun was starting to set the moment they pulled the cars up the bunker and Sam rolled his neck before stiffly stepping out of the Impala. He smiled as Eileen exited her car and started walking over to her to take her bag.</p><p>Dean watched the exchange with both fascination and a strange jealousy that overtook him, crawled under his skin, and made a home. He hadn't seen Sam smile like that in ages. Appearing as though he was floating on a cloud, and Eileen providing the calm he so desperately needed.</p><p>Dean tried not to think of Castiel and slammed the car door, thrusting his bag over his shoulder and opening the door for the others.</p><p>Eileen had stayed mostly quiet at dinner. Fielding the Winchester's questions as they came and showing Sam various texts she'd discovered recently. Eventually, the two of them were engrossed in their own world, and Dean took the cue to leave.</p><p>Dean made it to his empty room and flipped on the lights. The neatly made double bed a grim reminder he would be sleeping alone tonight. He could always go into town and find somebody to keep it warm for the night, but it seemed futile at this point.</p><p>He felt guilty about even thinking it.</p><p>He dropped his bag at the foot of the bed and cracked open the mini fridge, pulling out a six pack and cracking one open as he kicked off his boots. He made his way over to the record player and speakers in the corner and flipped through the LPs nearby. Once he settled on a worthy one, he popped it on the player, and the music began.</p><p>
  <em>"What heaven brought you and me cannot be forgotten."</em>
</p><p>The room was soundproof. Nobody heard the sound of Dean singing along to the Crosby, Stills, and Nash song over and over again. His voice cracked towards the last beer. His brain was slightly foggy once he broke into the whiskey.</p><p>
  <em>"Somebody fine will come along make me forget about loving you."</em>
</p><p>He couldn't see Castiel, the angel had made sure of that fact as he watched, invisible, from the doorway. The angel sighed and turned his head in shame. It was his fault Dean felt this way, but there was no approaching a snake as poisonous as this one without getting bit.</p><p>Dean would never say it aloud, not sober. Castiel refused to do anything else to make Dean uncomfortable or scared. He'd done enough of that over the years.</p><p>He'd settle for watching the hunter in one of his more vulnerable states, letting his emotions out in the only way he knew how when nobody else saw.</p><p>Castiel flew away once the song stopped for the tenth time.</p><p>***</p><p>Long after Sam and Eileen had cleaned up their mess from dinner, they still sat at the map table going over spells and Sam compiled information Eileen provided him. Eileen sat, sighing occasionally, and fidgeting under the table. Her leg shook up and down and she practically jumped every time Sam said something.</p><p>"Are you okay?" Sam finally asked, frustrated once more that she hadn't heard him ask her something moments ago. He signed it as well, waiting for her response.</p><p>Eileen hesitated. The words stuck in her throat for a moment before they finally came free and her heart started to pound. Sam stared at her, starting to feel his own anxiety level rise at the seriousness in her gaze.</p><p>"Sam," she took a deep breath and swallowed hard. "I don't know how to tell you this, but I'm late…"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Read and Review!</p><p>WOW I really threw things for a loop in this chapter. That ending though ;) I promise things will be either come to light or be resolved soon. The reference to the hawk is in my other fics as well. I often have Castiel come to Dean in dreams in this form. It's always the same dream too. ;)</p><p>Thanks to everyone for their patience when it comes to updates. I'm back to working basically full time (a blessing for bills, but a curse for free time) and I'm loving it. I haven't forgotten about any of y'all though. Your wonderful, heartfelt comments keep me going and keep me writing. So, again thank you from the bottom of my heart and the next update will come soon!</p><p>Songs Mentioned:</p><p>All I Want Is You by U2<br/>Southern Cross by Crosby, Stills, and Nash</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Eleven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There are more OCs in this chapter. They come from my story "In Blackest Night".</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean gripped the Impala's steering wheel hard. They were about two hours from their destination and had just barely crossed over into the Louisiana state lines. The air was heavy and full of humidity, a swampy smell lingered all around, and the clouds above in the sky looked what one could only call beautiful.</p><p>Sam couldn't focus on any of that.</p><p>
  <em>"How many days has it been?" he'd asked, moments after Eileen had broken the news to him that she might not get a period this time around.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Almost two," Eileen replied. "That can be normal though, for some women. Some women aren't on time every time it happens."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She was rambling. Trying her best to keep him from freaking out, and he wasn't…on the outside. On the inside Sam was in turmoil. Shocked at the prospect what was potentially to come and struggling to make his brain stay on one track.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What kind of life was he potentially about to have?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'll wait til tomorrow and then I'll take the test," Eileen took Sam's hands in hers, pleading silently with her eyes for him to remain calm.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I promise everything will be okay."</em>
</p><p>He'd heard those words before. From his dad. From Dean. From Ruby. Most of the time those six words were simply used to placate. To try and calm somebody down before they flew off the handle, even though nine times out of ten they were justified in flying off the handle.</p><p>Sam barely heard Dean calling his name. He blinked and turned his head towards his brother.</p><p>"Damn," Dean commented. "I knew we were arguing, but I didn't think I'd get a silent treatment."</p><p>"We're not arguing." Sam replied.</p><p>Dean gave him a look as he made a left turn and continued down another Louisiana back road.</p><p>"I don't want to be in an argument with you anymore," Sam clarified. "So, we're not arguing. We're just…agreeing to disagree."</p><p>"That's what soccer moms say to try and resolve something with their bratty kids or their snotty friends." Dean said.</p><p>"Yeah well we don't like to talk about our feelings in this family," Sam inched in a bit of sarcasm, hoping to get Dean to shut up. "So, let's just drop it. Okay?"</p><p>It worked like a charm. Dean didn't say another word about the matter and Sam was free to freak out as he pleased. Dean didn't really have room to speak. He had basically started the initial argument they'd had, and it seemed as though there was still more on Sam's mind than he was telling.</p><p>Dean had secrets too. Let Sam keep his, for all he cared.</p><p>***</p><p>When the brothers arrived at their destinations, they were greeted by two old friends. The black-haired man and the strawberry brown haired man in the front yard put down their beanbags from their corn-hole game and approached the brothers, pulling them both in for hugs.</p><p>"Dean," LeSalle Parker smirked. "Sam. How ya been?"</p><p>"Not bad Salle," Dean smiled. "Just heard there was a case down here. Thought we'd stop by if you don't mind."</p><p>"We don't mind at all," LeSalle turned to face the other man, Drew Tanner, who approached with a crooked smile and his beer in his hand.</p><p>"Do we?"</p><p>"Not at all," Drew shook his head. "I can take some of the bags. You'll be in the same rooms as last time."</p><p>Drew walked off with the bags and the brothers followed LeSalle up the driveway.</p><p>"Lila's off on a hunt with an old friend," LeSalle explained as they walked through the front door into the ancient white house. "Loretta is visiting family. It's just us guys tonight."</p><p>Sam nodded and took off for his room, quickly shutting the door behind him. Drew had a confused look on his face. LeSalle just stared and cocked his head.</p><p>"You'll have to forgive him," Dean rolled his eyes. "He's on his man period."</p><p>***</p><p><em>Still nothing?</em> Sam texted.</p><p>He was on the phone with Eileen, waiting in the Impala for Dean and Drew to come back from inside the convenience store. Monster stakeouts required caffeine and snacks, at least according to both Dean and Drew. LeSalle survived on extraordinarily little sleep to begin with and Sam, well, he was too nervous to consume anything.</p><p>
  <em>Still nothing. I'm gonna buy the test, Sam. I'll tell you the result when I find out. I wish you were here.</em>
</p><p>Sam sighed, his fingers hovering over the keys for a moment before he replied.</p><p>
  <em>Okay, just let me know one way or the other. I wish I were there too. I love you.</em>
</p><p>He hesitated on the last three words. Though it was implied every time they interacted, he had yet to say it. His fears were put to rest the moment she answered.</p><p>
  <em>I love you too, Sam Winchester.</em>
</p><p>"Wow," LeSalle commented, but didn't look away from staring into the gas station window. "That is some furious typin' going on over there."</p><p>"You wouldn't happen to know anything on how to calm potential pregnancy scare anxiety would you?"</p><p>LeSalle looked over at Sam, slightly confused at his statement, but also shocked at the bluntness of it as well. Sam watched the way his eyes followed Drew as Dean and he laughed about something and carried the bags of snacks to the car.</p><p>"Can't say with the romantic company that I keep that I know anything about that," LeSalle replied. "But I do know that whoever or whatever is out there has a plan and if that plan is meant ta come ta fruition, it'll be."</p><p>Sam moved over as Drew climbed in, ignoring the glance Dean sent into the backseat.</p><p>***</p><p>The vampire nest was one of the bigger ones the Winchester brothers had ever seen. They had spent a total of three hours running around an entire houseboat complex, jumping from boat to boat and lobbing heads off of hungry vampires.</p><p>Dean was shocked that no other hunters had come here yet. The whole complex was infested. Dead, emaciated, and drained bodies were scattered everywhere. Bones filled the water and Dean tried not to think of how many people could finally have closure if they dragged them all up. The houseboat was dingy and dark, the walls were covered in rust, and the floor looked as though somebody would need ten tetanus shots if they touched it.</p><p>Sam came from the right, the two practically smashing into one another as they both chased the same vampire. Dean gave him a look as Sam shook off the impact and sprinted ahead. The younger Winchester grabbed the vampire, pulling it back by the shirt collar and attempting to remove its head.</p><p>The vampire spun around, pinning Sam to the wall.</p><p>"Don't you hunters know better by now," the vampire hissed. "The Creator wants this, and I'm sure he wrote for his two best bitch boys to try and take us down."</p><p>Sam struggled, trying his best to avoid the fangs rapidly coming closer and closer to his throat. He closed his eyes, preparing for the worst.</p><p>It never came. The vampire's head rolled away from his body, followed by Dean wiping his blade on his jeans and extending his hand for Sam to grab hold.</p><p>"Get your head out of your ass," Dean grunted. "There's more than just him!"</p><p>Sam stared hard at the back of Dean's head, considering his words, and slowly following once again. Dean's and the vampire's words echoed through his head as he ran.</p><p>***</p><p>Dean and Sam had the pleasure of witnessing Drew and LeSalle remove the final vampires' heads in one clean blow. LeSalle untwisted his hand, his eyes going from their unusual shade of purple back to their normal blue almost instantly. Drew nodded at him and the four men started their long, blood descent off the boat to home.</p><p>***</p><p>After cleaning up their mess at the boatyard, and showering, Dean, LeSalle, Sam, and Drew found themselves out front. The night was steamy. Fireflies flitted around in the tree line. The two ancient cars, an Impala, and a sleek blue Fastback, rested calmly in the driveway. Drew and Sam stood in the yard, Drew teaching him how to play corn-hole.</p><p>"Can't believe ya brother's never played corn-hole."</p><p>"We haven't really had the occasion," Dean replied to LeSalle as the pair sat on the porch, sipping beers, and staring out into the yard.</p><p>"You know, busy saving the world half of the time and all."</p><p>"Believe me," LeSalle chuckled. "I thank ya for that."</p><p>The black-haired man lifted his arm up to rest on the low porch railing. Dean caught a glimpse of a silver band around his finger that hadn't been there the last time they'd all met up.</p><p>"Can I ask you something?" Dean cleared his throat, trying his best not to choke.</p><p>"Shoot." LeSalle looked over at him.</p><p>"How'd you know you were…you know." Dean swallowed hard.</p><p>"A warlock?" LeSalle suggested. "Well that was probably right around when I accidentally set something on fire with my mind and a flick of the wrist."</p><p>"Not that," Dean shook his head, glancing over at where Sam stood across the yard, making sure he couldn't hear. "A gay man."</p><p>"Oh that," LeSalle waved him off and blew air out of his lips. "I feel like I kind of always knew that. Just never really acted on it til I was older."</p><p>"But how'd you…figure it out?" Dean asked, trying to press the matter without openly admitting anything.</p><p>"Shit Dean," LeSalle chuckled. "I kissed a guy. I slept with a guy. I figured out that I liked it. I went from there."</p><p>"You make it sound so easy." Dean's voice trailed off. He refused to look LeSalle in the eyes. The warlock cocked his head, leaning forward so he could see Dean's face better.</p><p>"It's not," LeSalle shook his head. "It's a fight every day, even when it looks easy. I learned long ago though, that if I was gonna make it in life I had ta fight for the things I love."</p><p>Dean witnessed a glance Drew's way. The strawberry brown haired man was caught in the middle of a laugh again and Dean saw the corners of LeSalle's mouth tugging upward. Dean could practically see a fire lighting itself in the man's heart.</p><p>It was absolutely beautiful.</p><p>"I love that man more than anyone in this world," LeSalle explained. "I know what I want out of life. I hope, for ya sake Dean, ya figure it out too."</p><p>LeSalle stood from his chair and strode out onto the lawn, making his way over to Drew and wrapping an arm around his middle. The two shared a short kiss and smiled as they looked into one another's eyes.</p><p>Dean peeled the label on his beer bottle and tried not to think of Castiel.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Read and Review!</p><p>Another update! I had a day off and I wanted to spoil my readers. I'm hoping for a decent turn for tomorrow (I have to work, and a hurricane is going to hit us) and that's another reason I'm uploading this chapter now (in case we lose power). I included more OCs of mine in this chapter. I figured it was appropriate since they are LGBT and Dean is needing a bit of help in that department. If you want more background on these OCs, read my fic (I'll be revamping it soon) "In Blackest Night".</p><p>See you in the next chapter and if you're in the path of the hurricane like me, please be safe. I'll see y'all on the other side.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Twelve</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The brothers pulled into a motel for the night, not wanting to continue such a long drive with fading daylight. Dean ordered two rooms. He didn't want to share tonight. In fact, he was about ready to get blasted out of his mind.</p><p>Sam was on a video call with Eileen.</p><p>"<em>I wanted to call you earlier Sam," </em>she said. "<em>Then my phone died. Then I couldn't find a damn charger."</em></p><p>"Eileen," Sam stopped her from rambling. "It's fine. Just…tell me."</p><p>"<em>When I went to take the test it came</em>," Eileen explained. "<em>I'm not pregnant, Sam. I was just late. Might have been stress or any number of factors."</em></p><p>Sam let out a deep sigh of relief. Or at least, for a moment he was relieved. Then, he felt an overwhelming emptiness take over. He'd cooked up scenarios for the past few nights. Pictures and images of a little brown-haired girl, he'd been convinced he was going to have a daughter, running around the bunker and eventually, their own house. Sam would have left the life. He would have made sure this time. A normal life. A normal job. A family.</p><p>He didn't have long to think about it because he felt eyes on him.</p><p>An angry looking Dean walked out of the motel room door slammed it behind him.</p><p>"I'll have to call you back…" Sam said to Eileen.</p><p>***</p><p>"Dean…" Sam called after his brother as he followed him to the car.</p><p>Dean stomped towards the driver's side, eventually turning around quickly, and staring him down.</p><p>"So," Dean said. "You wanna explain what happened in there?"</p><p>Sam stared long and hard at him for a moment, realizing the tone in Dean's voice, and the way of his words. If there was one thing Sam hated more than anything else, it was being spoken to by anyone the same way his dad had spoken to him.</p><p>"I'm sure you've had plenty of scares yourself from the women you've laid over the years." Sam replied in monotony.</p><p>"Yeah, but that doesn't make it okay to fantasize about something that's never going to happen!" Dean answered, louder than necessary. Sam tried hard not to yell himself.</p><p>"You are such a hypocrite," Sam said. "You know that? You always go on and on about this life you supposedly want when we're done with all this. I tried to find that on my own and I got dragged right back into this hell because of you, because of dad."</p><p>Dean was taken aback. He stared at Sam as though he had three heads.</p><p>"I don't think you actually want it," Sam shook his head. "Not without the right person and you are being so goddamn pussyfooted about that as well."</p><p>"Well somebody's got balls all of a sudden." Dean glared.</p><p>"Am I wrong?" Sam gave Dean a questioning look.</p><p>Dean took a moment, collecting his thoughts and taking a breath. He didn't want to yell at Sam. Not right now and not right here. What he needed was a drink or two or three.</p><p>"Dad wouldn't care Dean," Sam said. "I know you're hung up on that and you have been for most of your life. He may have been a shitty person sometimes, but he wasn't a bigot. He helped everyone, regardless of what or who they loved."</p><p>"You're telling me dad wouldn't say something if he walked in on either one of us kissing another dude?" Dean suggested, staring hard into Sam's eyes.</p><p>"He didn't stop me in college," Sam challenged. "And he wouldn't stop you now."</p><p>Dean's eyes widened at Sam's confession, just slipped in there quickly like a snake in a burrow. Sam put his hands in his pockets, debating saying something else to Dean, but Dean just shook his head and climbed into the Impala. He started the engine and gunned it in reverse. Sam jumped away from the tires, staring as Dean took off driving into town.</p><p>***</p><p>Dean took a long gulp of his whiskey and groaned.</p><p>So far, he'd consumed three drinks and was working on a fourth. He knew damn well he'd be too drunk to drive. He'd already left his keys with the bartender, promising to come back for them and the car tomorrow. Doing the right thing came naturally for him.</p><p>So, why had he allowed himself to yell at Sam?</p><p>Dean took another swig and sighed, feeling a presence to the right of him.</p><p>"This seat taken?" a voice said, and Dean turned to tell him no and wave him forward, but he stopped, and he was sure he was staring, but there was no way not to.</p><p>Once his eyes focused, Dean saw the man was quite handsome. He had dark brown, almost black hair, and misty blue eyes. He was sporting some stubble and wearing a black button-down short-sleeve shirt with the collar undone. He wore blue jeans and vans. He walked with the swagger as though he owned the world. His fingers curled around a freshly washed glass filled with the same amber liquid Dean was consuming and Dean's thoughts briefly turned dirty.</p><p>"<em>No," </em>he thought to himself. "<em>This isn't you."</em></p><p>It was him. Just a "him" he didn't want to be for a list of definitive reasons he wouldn't dare speak aloud.</p><p>The jukebox blasted an old REM song. Dean swallowed; his throat had become increasingly dry.</p><p>"Good choice," the words fell out before Dean could stop them. He motioned to the glass.</p><p>"Your drink, that is."</p><p>"Whiskey man through and through," the man chuckled. "Til the day I die. I could say the same for you, man."</p><p>The man swallowed his whiskey and Dean shuffled his legs on the bar stool.</p><p>"Any other compliments you want to pay me this evening?" the man smirked and let out a beautiful laugh.</p><p>The same kind of beautiful laugh Jamie Bower had let out in life. The same kind of smile Castiel had showed ever so rarely at first, but in later years, more often.</p><p>"You just look like somebody I know," Dean replied, sort of sheepishly. "And somebody I used to know."</p><p>"I must be pretty damn good looking either way," the man replied. "Your eyes haven't left me since the moment I sat down."</p><p><em>"Don't do this man," </em>Dean's brain practically screamed at him. "<em>You don't want to do this."</em></p><p><em>"Oh," </em>Dean silently replied, his groin finally winning out. "<em>But I do."</em></p><p>"If I may be bold," Dean knew it had to be the whiskey. It had all hit at once. That was it.</p><p>"You look like sex on legs."</p><p>The man smirked.</p><p>"Jay." He leaned in close, providing Dean with his name, and gave a sinful smile. The jukebox changed again. <em>Lips Like Sugar </em>by Echo and The Bunnymen.</p><p>"Shall we?" he motioned to the door.</p><p>***</p><p>Dean walked backwards into his motel room. He tried his best not to trip over his own feet. His heart pounded. He felt like a virgin all over again. Jay quietly slipped into the room too and shut the door behind them.</p><p>Dean swallowed hard. Thinking repeatedly the harder he stared that Jay's smile should be illegal.</p><p>Jay moved so fluidly, crawling atop Dean as he lowered down into the sheets, never once breaking eye contact. Jay unbuttoned each button on his shirt slowly, teasingly, until he finally removed his shirt and Dean's eyes traveled down from his shoulders to his hips.</p><p>"Well I think it's highly unfair for my clothes to be the only ones lost here." Jay chuckled and pulled Dean's hand to the front of his pants so he could feel him.</p><p>Jay was muscular, but fit and slender. He had a tattoo of a rabid piranha on his left shoulder.</p><p>Dean licked his lips and returned his attention to Jay's face. Jay cupped his cheek and kissed him, slowly and fully. His lips hugging Dean's every time. Dean's eyes closed and he practically melted into the embrace. Jay tasted like whiskey and lime from his last drink: a Corona Light.</p><p>Dean's mind wandered into blissful territory when Jay's lips went elsewhere.</p><p>Dean stared at the popcorn ceiling and the fan above spun, along with the room. He could die right here, and he wouldn't mind. His thoughts were a jumbled mess between ecstasy and his fight with Sam. Pleasure and various people giving him advice over and over again.</p><p>Castiel's face came up several times towards the end.</p><p>Dean saw stars when he finished and then he looked over and saw something else.</p><p>Castiel stood in the doorway, probably having mistaken Dean's thoughts for prayer, and his face was what Dean could only describe as Castiel's version of awestruck.</p><p>Jay swallowed hard, looking Dean in the eyes with lidded eyes of his own, and he panted as he turned to face where Dean was staring worriedly.</p><p>"Oh shit," Jay laughed. "Busted."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Read and Review!</p><p>A/N: Well that got a bit raunchier than I had intended, but I knew Dean needed to act out in typical Dean fashion. That, and Castiel and he needed just a wee bit more drama because I'm a terrible person and you guys love it ;) and this was the perfect dose of it. Also, who doesn't love a bit of brother drama too! Don't worry all will be resolved soon. I also wanted a different take on John other than homophobic, so I hope I did that justice in this chapter.</p><p>Jay is not a permanent OC of mine. He exists for the sole purpose of this chapter. Although, I can imagine he's the adventurous type. I also wanted somebody else to come in that looked like Cas to further solidify Dean's type. Jay also assumes Castiel is Dean's boyfriend at the end of this so there's that as well ;)<br/>My mom once saw a guy on the beach with the same tattoo as Jay and I never got it out of my mind. I wanted to include it.</p><p>As everyone can see, I survived the hurricane. The power went out for a day, but I've been working every day since until now. I have a day off tomorrow, and I plan on spending it writing both fanfiction and my personal writing :)</p><p>See everyone in the next chapter! Hope you all enjoyed!</p><p>Songs Mentioned:</p><p>So Central Rain by REM</p><p>Lips Like Sugar by Echo and The Bunnymen</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Thirteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean always tasted copper before he threw up.</p><p>Even from a young age, that's how he'd always known it was going to happen. The motel room's bathroom tile was cold. Too cold on his knees through his pants. Then he remembered he wasn't wearing pants.</p><p>He wasn't wearing really much of anything.</p><p>Dean gripped the sides of the toilet and heaved. Everything he'd drank in the last few hours came up in one thunderous wave. The whiskey burned in reverse. Dean coughed and spit a few times before leaning his head against the back of the uplifted toilet seat and sighed, waiting for more and replaying the last few minutes over again in his head.</p><p>
  <em>Castiel had immediately left the room, slamming the door behind him, and looking shocked and almost ashamed the whole time. Dean shot up in bed, taking a few moments to right himself upon sitting up, and felt his chest and its contents go crashing straight down into his stomach.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He knew it deep down, Castiel was disgusted with him.</em>
</p><p>"Boyfriend?" Jay asked, leaning against the door frame of the bathroom, and watching Dean.</p><p>Dean closed his eyes tighter, feeling remorseful.</p><p>"Not boyfriend," Jay deduced. "He must be the one who looked like me then."</p><p>Dean finally mustered up enough strength to shake his head.</p><p>"Looks like me currently," Jay whistled. "You've got good taste."</p><p>"Well," Dean hoarsely replied. "He'll never know that now, with you here."</p><p>"Hey man don't blame me," Jay chuckled, patting Dean on the shoulder. "If you want him, you need to go and get him. Before somebody else does."</p><p>Jay left without another word, but not before bringing Dean a water from the fridge. The motel room door clicked behind him and Dean was left alone in the silence with his thoughts.</p><p>Not for long. He took off running out the motel room door.</p><p>"Cas," he cried out, his throat still screamed from throwing up, and his voice came out softer.</p><p>"Cas, please. We need to talk."</p><p>Dean could still feel the alcohol coursing through his system. Every step was still filled with dizziness and the rapid succession of an increasing heartbeat. Jay was right. Dean knew he was right.</p><p>So, why was he still so scared?</p><p>Castiel appeared, after a few more moments of Dean begging. The angel's head was slightly hung, as though he didn't want to meet Dean's gaze. Dean swallowed hard, wincing at the pain that followed.</p><p>Dean suddenly felt smaller than ever before in the angel's presence.</p><p>"Yes?" Castiel replied, with all hints of niceness gone, or at least that was what Dean interpreted.</p><p>"I'm sorry," Dean croaked out.</p><p>"Is that all you have to say?" Castiel asked.</p><p>Dean felt like a kicked dog. He averted his gaze ever so slightly, trying to focus on the blinking motel vacancy sign instead of Castiel's face. Or, dare he say it, the hunter would start crying. His breath came out cold in the night air. There were stars in the sky. If somebody asked Dean to paint a picture of this very moment, he could probably do it blind. Every detail was etched into his mind as Castiel spoke.</p><p>"I thought we were past the point of being dishonest with one another, Dean."</p><p>Castiel turned to leave, clearly hurt by Dean's actions. Dean thought back to Sioux Falls. To the half drunken kiss, he'd placed upon half of Castiel's lips. His skin felt cold. His limbs had started to tingle. Of course, he'd assumed Castiel wouldn't be offended by anything he did. Dean was selfish like that sometimes.</p><p>He knew it, and now it felt as though it was too late.</p><p>"Wait!" Dean called out and Castiel stopped.</p><p>As a last-ditch effort, Dean opened up his mind. He sent thoughts Castiel's way. All the instances in his past that had made him question who he was. Dean sent the angel images of Jamie Bower, of Lee Webb, his old friend who'd he'd admittedly made out with a few times, of various times a man had turned his head that he could remember.</p><p>Then, he showed John Winchester, or rather what he believed John would do if he knew.</p><p>Lastly, he showed Castiel the day they'd met. Not the first time with the loud screeching and the busted gas station windows, but the barn. The barn covered in symbols from all beliefs, all religions.</p><p>But that night, that was the first time Dean had ever felt true religion.</p><p>The images stopped as abruptly as they'd started, and Dean opened his eyes. He knew Castiel had seen everything, every part of his soul that the hunter had borne with reckless drunken abandon. The angel's shoulders stiffened, and he turned slowly back towards Dean.</p><p>Dean threw his arms up in the air.</p><p>"How's that for honesty?" he slurred.</p><p>Castiel flew away anyway. Dean had known that he would, but it was definitely worth a shot.</p><p>The hunter lowered his arms and let out a strangled sob.</p><p>***</p><p>Sam noticed how strangely silent Dean was when they pulled into the bunker.</p><p>"Dude," Sam scoffed. "You look like shit. What happened?"</p><p>Dean chose not to answer. Instead, he got out the driver's seat and slammed the door shut. He stomped off towards the main part of the bunker, slamming that door behind him too. Sam slung his bag over his shoulder, confused as ever as he walked into their home.</p><p>When Sam reached his room, he found that his bed wasn't empty.</p><p>Eileen poked her head up from where she lay. She was dressed in one of his t-shirts and though the room was beginning to get dark, she still seemingly glowed beautifully. Her hair was unwashed. Her eyes were puffy, as though from crying. Her hand shook a little as she pulled out an earbud and turned to face Sam.</p><p>Sam let his bag drop to the ground with a loud thud and immediately threw himself into bed with her, wrapping his hand around the back of her neck and pulling her in for a deep kiss.</p><p>"I was so scared," she choked out. "So damn scared."</p><p>Sam leaned back so she could see his lips.</p><p>"It's okay," Sam said. "I love you."</p><p>Eileen signed 'I love you too' and kissed him again.</p><p>***</p><p>Eileen showered and came back to bed in record time. Sam had graciously placed several pain reliever bottles and a glass of water on the bedside table. He sat on the other side, going over something intently on his laptop. Eileen crawled back under the sheets, snuggling up to him, and reading over the website.</p><p>"Do you ever take a break?" she giggled.</p><p>He signed 'no' and smirked before shutting his laptop and placing it on his own side table. Sam wrapped his arms around Eileen and cuddled her close to him. He could hear the sounds of thunder outside. A storm had blown in a few minutes after the brothers had arrived, and as much as Sam loved being in the Impala watching the lightning from the passenger side, as he had as a young adult, he was extremely glad they'd arrived when they did.</p><p>It allowed for the perfect peaceful evening with Eileen after all that had happened.</p><p>"I would have been happy," Sam assured her. "Even if it had happened. We would have figured it out. I promise."</p><p>"I know," Eileen nodded. "Is it bad that I almost wish it had been real?"</p><p>Sam thought about the statement for a moment. He imagined the scenarios. A white picket fence. Three square meals a day. A dog. They'd have to get a dog. School projects. Field trips chaperoning. Eileen in a wedding dress. Eileen and him in a bed, in a house all their own. Eileen with him forever.</p><p>It was the storybook ending he craved so badly he would sell his soul for it.</p><p>"No," Sam shook his head. "I think it would have been the most beautiful thing in the world."</p><p>***</p><p>Dean had always been drawn to the rain.</p><p>Ever since he was little, he had believed in its power. Its power to heal, to comfort, and to replenish the earth in a way nothing else could. He and Sam had often gathered at motel windows to watch storms together. He could recall Sam's fingers shooting up in the air and pointing at each strike. His younger brother's eyes filled with wonder. Speculating that the energy came from beyond. From angels. From something far more powerful than the two Winchesters could ever imagine.</p><p>It felt tainted now, to be out in it when he knew it belonged to Chuck. Knowing that Chuck had made it. He begged in his mind for the innocent times to come again. For the feeling of the drops on his skin to cleanse him and to fill him up with some kind of joy once again.</p><p>The feeling never came, and the empty bottle of Jack Daniels hung heavy in his hand as he walked.</p><p>There was a lake, a small one, about a mile behind the bunker.</p><p>Dean sat there sometimes, when Sam's nose was buried in a book, and he conjured up thoughts he'd never share with another human soul. In fact, technically, it hadn't been a human soul he'd shared them with.</p><p>The look on Castiel's face when he'd flown away still haunted Dean.</p><p>The hunter stumbled, drunk once again, despite his throat having not fully healed from his last endeavor. Every step was controlled chaos. The leaves underneath him giving way a few times and he grabbed a tree trunk to steady himself. He looked up and saw the lightning crash long across the dark night sky.</p><p>Dean laughed and kept going.</p><p>The inky black lake reflected the flash beautifully. The rain droplets, coming down fiercely onto its surface, bounced and then became one with the water. Dean was drawn to the simplicity of it. He barely heard the roll of thunder as he approached close to the water's edge. He crouched down, as a mother would for a child, and peered at his reflection.</p><p>The longer he stared, the more people appeared behind him. He blinked a few times, removing the water running down his wet head from his eyes. His hair was stuck to him. His flannel was soaked. He dropped the bottle as he stared at the smiling faces.</p><p>Jamie. Lee. Jay. John. Sam.</p><p>Castiel.</p><p>Dean heard a hawk caw loudly into the night before his boot gave way in the mud and he slipped, eyes closed, over the edge of the small hill and into the lake.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Read and Review!</p><p>I know, I know, another cliffhanger, and a rather life threatening one at that! If any of you know me, you know I wouldn't kill a main character. And even if did, Dean's a Winchester. He'll come back alive somehow ;) I do have a flair for the dramatics though and believe me, some minor drama is about to occur indeed.</p><p>I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. I started out sober when I started it and then ended it kind of drunk lol. So, let's hope it isn't too weird or dark when I come back to it.</p><p>See y'all in the next chapter!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Fourteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Dean had to be dreaming.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That was it, he was dreaming. Always dreaming at the most inconvenient times. Even from a young age Sam had always said Dean would be able to sleep through a nuclear war if he was so inclined.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So, why did he feel so awake?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The forest looked the same as when he had left the bunker, only now there was a surprising lack of rain. He was missing the Jack Daniels bottle, probably having dropped it somewhere along the way. Dean looked around.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The trees were darker. There was a sort of haze around him, filling the air with a misty soft light from what was left of the sun behind clouds. There was an electric charge in the air, but it did not frighten him. In fact, it was rather inviting.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Nice, ain't it?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The voice behind him was familiar. Dean turned around slowly, feeling no apprehension whatsoever as he turned to look at the pale gangly man behind him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>This was the Jamie Bower he remembered. Pale, almost stringy hair, and faded track marks up his arms. He hadn't gotten any worse from that last time Dean suspected it was the end. He hadn't answered his phone and had claimed that binge was the last.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was the last alright.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah," Dean commented, walking over to the man, and inspecting him from a closer angle. "For a dream."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Funny," Jamie smirked and put his hands in his pockets. "I said the same thing when I first came here."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The black-haired man looked over at the lake that had suddenly materialized beside them. Dean watched it ripple by the bank, showing the faces he'd seen before he remembered things going black. Jamie started to walk away from the water's edge, more towards the faraway tree line.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"C'mon," he motioned for Dean to come after him. "They'll follow."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dean had begun to walk, not noticing that the figures from the lake had somehow walked out of it. Lee, his father. Even his mother had joined the party. It was strange.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was only those who were dead that had emerged.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dean begun to panic.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm in that lake right now, aren't I?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Jamie turned to face Dean. Lee had his arm entangled with Dean's arm, smiling over at him the same way he did when they were alone in motel rooms way back when. Mary and John walked hand in hand beside the two, both of them looking over with two different ranges of emotion.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>John was indifferent, but his eyes still roamed over where Dean's hand had come to rest in Lee's. Mary had a delighted smile, as though she was happy Dean had finally admitted it to himself. Dean met John's eyes and the older man nodded.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>No words were spoken. They didn't need to be.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>An eerie song played in the distance beyond the trees. A series of cries from birds echoed through the trunks and the air. Jamie gave a disgruntled look to the sky.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"All those damn hawks," he commented. "Making a racket."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Suddenly Dean was alone. All the figures from the lake had vanished, the woods had gone completely dark, and it was hard to see. Dean squinted to adjust his vision and gasped when he saw a giant hawk coming right at him, talons outstretched for the hunter's body.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dean closed his eyes tightly and braced for impact.</em>
</p><p>***</p><p>"Is he breathing?"</p><p>"Get him on the bed, get him out of those clothes!"</p><p>"Damn it Dean, c'mon man!"</p><p>Dean's ears rung as his world slowly came back into focus via his ears. His eyes still remained shut until the ringing stopped and then, slowly, he cracked them open. Dean blinked a few times, taking a few minutes to figure out where he was.</p><p>Sam, Eileen, and Castiel all loomed over him, wearing looks of anger and shame.</p><p>"What," Dean's voice cracked and came out hoarse. "What happened?"</p><p>"Well," Sam sighed. "You decided to take a drunken nighttime swim. If it weren't for Cas, you'd probably be dead."</p><p>Dean glanced over at the angel, whose gaze was filled with anguish and fatigue. Dean's stomach dropped to his feet. Castiel had been looking out for him once again, and what had Dean done to show for it? Almost drowned in a lake.</p><p>He remembered now. Dropping the bottle, tumbling into the water.</p><p>He had never felt worse in his life than this moment.</p><p>"I'll leave the two of you alone," Sam remarked. "I think you've both got a lot to discuss."</p><p>Sam and Eileen left the room, closing the door behind them with a loud bang. Castiel sat by the bedside still, staring forward at the wall. Dean looked down at his lower half. He was in his boxers, but not the ones he'd started the day with. One of Sam's t-shirts adorned his chest. The sheets were slightly damp. Dean's eyes flitted over to where his clothes were strewn over the back of a chair.</p><p>"You're in Sam's room," Castiel explained. "Time was of the essence to revive you. This was the closest bed."</p><p>"Cas I-."</p><p>"Let me guess," Castiel replied, his voice heavy with annoyance. "You're sorry."</p><p>Dean hung his head, remaining silent.</p><p>"I have been alive for billions upon billions of years Dean Winchester," Castiel said. "I have seen a great deal of things in my time in Heaven and on Earth. I have witnessed creation and destruction, disaster and miracle, love and hate."</p><p>Dean listened. His head and his eyes felt heavy. His chest constricted.</p><p>"Never have I seen such a fearful individual," he continued. "You desire peace and happiness and yet, you are somehow so hellbent on your own self destruction that it's sick. You assume the worst of people, yet desire so much more from them. You cannot be honest with yourself nor those closest to you, yet you can share these secrets with total strangers and feel safe."</p><p>Dean cringed. Castiel wasn't wrong, it was just so hard hearing it.</p><p>"Yet," Castiel paused. "I am hopelessly and unequivocally in love with you."</p><p>Dean's heart started to beat faster. His eyes widened and his mouth hung open ever so slightly as he stared into Castiel's eyes. The angel's blues were almost as beautiful as Dean determined Heaven must be when it's not trying to implode on itself.</p><p>In a way, Castiel had captured all of Heaven in him. After all, he was the last good part left.</p><p>"I know you feel the same," Castiel continued. "I have seen hints of it over the years we've come to know one another. I have also heard that the human concept of telling people these things can be terrifying for a myriad of reasons, but you said it yourself Dean. Life doesn't get any easier for guys like you and Sam. There might as well be happiness along the way, or what is the point."</p><p>Dean swallowed hard, wanting to say something, anything, but no words would come out.</p><p>"I will leave you for now," Castiel stood and nodded. "I'll come back to check on you in a bit. Get some rest."</p><p>Castiel left and the door closed behind him. The room fell silent.</p><p>Dean held his head in his hands and begun to cry.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Read and Review!</p><p>Whew, just more emotion right there! At least everything is out in the open for everyone now and things are ripe for discussion. Speaking of that, I'm thinking about just one more chapter. An epilogue of sorts, where everything will hopefully be resolved (we'll see where the muse takes me, but I think I may be a fan of a happy ending this time). Just thought I'd pack a punch with the feels beforehand.</p><p>I will see everyone when that chapter comes out! If you're in the path of the two hurricanes down south, stay safe and evacuate if you're told to. Stay safe from COVID as well.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Fifteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dean's head pounded when he sat up in bed.</p><p>He rubbed at his temples, trying to get rid of the pain. Dehydration was definitely one of the worst parts of being fixed by Castiel. He was alive though. He supposed that mattered.</p><p>Then he remembered Sam and Castiel's faces when he'd awoken after his lake dive and his heart sank to his stomach. He had heard Castiel come into the room again several times after Dean had finally fallen back asleep, but the angel hadn't so much as done more than touched Dean forehead a few times to ease aches and pains and then left.</p><p>Dean hadn't even gotten to formally apologize. He'd tried, but it had still felt half-assed.</p><p>He stood up, careful to keep his balance as he strode over to the chair and grabbed his now dry pants. He pulled one of Sam's smallest flannels out of the dresser drawer and got dressed. The clock on the side table read eight am.</p><p>Dean patted his pockets, looking for his phone, and realized either Castiel or Sam had placed it on the other side table. He unlocked the screen and dialed.</p><p>"<em>Yeah?" </em>Sam answered, sounding tired, but not annoyed anymore.</p><p>"You inside?" Dean asked.</p><p>"<em>Outside." </em>Sam replied.</p><p>"I'll be there in a minute." Dean nodded, even though his brother couldn't see it and hung up the phone, pulling his boot up over his slightly swollen foot and making way for the bedroom door.</p><p>***</p><p>The sun was starting to rise when Dean emerged from the bunker's front door, bottle of water in hand. He squinted, trying to shield his eyes from the beaming light, and looked around.</p><p>The sky was clear of clouds and a pale pinkish color. The air smelled fresh. It was strange.</p><p>It was as though the end of the world wasn't coming.</p><p>They hadn't spoken of it, everything that had happened after Jack had died, their mom too. Everybody else had taken off, lying low and hunting on their own. All, but Eileen, who had somehow managed to find Sam and to wrap her influence around him.</p><p>Or so Dean had argued during the last fight they'd had.</p><p>Dean saw Sam, leaning up against the back of the Impala, coffee in hand, and staring off into the distance at woods as the sun beamed through the trees.</p><p>"I'm an asshole." Dean remarked, after taking his place beside his brother.</p><p>"Understatement of the century." Sam chuckled and took a sip of his coffee.</p><p>It was quiet for a few moments.</p><p>"I was wrong, Sam." Dean lifted his head from where he'd hung it ever so slightly and Sam shockingly looked over at him, waiting for an explanation.</p><p>"When you told me, you'd been thinking about exclusively seeing Eileen," Dean kept going. "There was a full range of emotions inside of me. All I saw in that moment was my little twenty-two year old brother, in the worst pain of his life because somebody he loved with his full being was dead, and there wasn't a damn thing I could about it to take that pain away."</p><p>Sam cleared his throat. Rarely did he speak of Jessica anymore, but knew he thought about her every day. They carried everyone they'd loved who died with them every single day.</p><p>"Jess didn't know about the life Dean," Sam replied. "Eileen knows what's out there. Hell, she's had a lot worse side effects from it than we have."</p><p>"My point is," Dean's breath hitched. "I never wanted you go through that kind of pain ever again. Dad didn't either. Why do you think he checked up you? It'll destroy a man."</p><p>"I know," Sam sighed. "I thought it would all end when I went away. I thought I'd fall in love and ride off into the sunset, and I did…twice. For a little while each time."</p><p>"Yeah," Dean said, rubbing the back of his neck. "That was a pretty big thing, for you to admit. What was his name?"</p><p>"Paul Wakefield," Sam chuckled at the mention of him and a giddy smile stretched across his face. "Some backwoods boy from-."</p><p>"Wait," Dean held up his hand. "You mean, <em>the </em>Paul Wakefield. As in, Fantastic Dan? Those crazy adventure books I couldn't get you put down as a kid."</p><p>"Yeah," Sam nodded. "He was trying to make it to Hollywood when we were there. I guess he finally had his big break."</p><p>"You sure can pick 'em kid," Dean whistled and shook his head in disbelief. "What uh…what broke you up?"</p><p>"Me," Sam sighed. "Turns out I'm not so great at hiding the hunting side of my life. He started asking questions I couldn't answer, so he called it quits. Claimed he couldn't trust me. I don't blame him. Hardest breakup of my life."</p><p>"The first love hurts the worst." Dean nodded, taking the last sip of his water, and crushing the bottle before placing it on the hood of the car.</p><p>"I met Jess a few months later, but I never forgot him."</p><p>Dean patted Sam's shoulder.</p><p>"He's also the reason I hated being called Sammy there for a while." Sam smirked.</p><p>"Yeah well," Dean shrugged. "I hate Phil Collins for a similar reason. The first one hurts the worst indeed."</p><p>Dean and Sam stayed silent again for a few moments. The sun had risen higher and was just at the top of the tree line.</p><p>"How'd you do it?" Dean asked. "Learn to accept that part of yourself."</p><p>"I questioned it a lot," Sam explained. "Growing up. Same as you, I can imagine. Just never acted on it. Never could with dad around. College was also just kind of my ticket to figure myself out. It was a much more welcoming environment than dad's motel rooms if you catch my drift."</p><p>Dean nodded, picking absentmindedly at a string near the end of the sleeve of the flannel.</p><p>"Nothing worth doing is easy," Sam looked over at Dean. "I know you're scared, Dean. I know dad messed us up in a lot of ways, but I'm your brother. You can tell me anything and I'll love you no matter what."</p><p>Dean felt his eyes pricking with tears in the corners. He was hoping Sam wouldn't see.</p><p>"You taught me that, remember?" Sam finished.</p><p>Dean threw his whole body against Sam, engulfing his younger brother in a big hug and Sam returned it, gently bringing his arms down to reach around Dean's body and hold it tight. Dean and Sam both closed their eyes, savoring in the moment of peace, and then broke apart to face one another again.</p><p>"Dean," Sam said. "Cas is in love with you. Has been for years. I've seen it since we basically met. You do this sort of unspoken dance around each other."</p><p>Dean thought of that night in the barn. When Castiel had barreled in and set the room afire with sparks and light. His sheer power alone had left Dean in awe, but it was truly the angel's eventual unwavering dedication to the Winchesters that had brought it home. Dean had just been too stunted to do anything about it.</p><p>"I used to move like that around Jess," Sam continued. "And Paul, and now, Eileen. I love her Dean. I told her the other day."</p><p>"I know you love her," Dean wiped his one eye. He wasn't ashamed of the tears anymore. "You deserve to be with her."</p><p>"And you deserve to be with Cas." Sam nodded.</p><p>"What about Chuck," Dean shook his head. "What about the hunts and the chance we might all just…"</p><p>"Might as well go out happy for once," Sam replied. "That's my theory anyway."</p><p>Dean and Sam both stood from the Impala's front end, grabbing their respective beverage containers, and making their way over towards the front door.</p><p>"Sorry you're not gonna be a dad," Dean mentioned. "I heard about; you know."</p><p>"It's okay," Sam said. "There'll be time for that later. Once Chuck is finally off his high horse."</p><p>"We'll figure that out," Dean replied. "Same way we always do. Together. Team Free Will."</p><p>"Believe me," Sam smirked. "I haven't forgotten. Now, I do believe I saw Castiel walk off somewhere in that direction."</p><p>Sam pointed towards the same stretch of woods Dean had been rescued and Dean nodded before shoving his crushed water bottle into Sam's hand and taking off running.</p><p>***</p><p>When Sam reached the library, he smiled. Eileen was sitting in one of the various armchairs, delving into a book of ancient magic that she couldn't even begin to interpret. Sam was enthralled at her desire, her thirst, for knowledge. It would come in handy in whatever fight was yet to come.</p><p>Also, it just made her even sexier to him.</p><p>He came up beside her, sitting down and placing his coffee cup on a table nearby. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to his side, and she smiled up at him.</p><p>"Did you talk to him?" she asked.</p><p>Sam nodded.</p><p>"And?"</p><p>"I think he just needed my blessing," Sam replied. "And we have his."</p><p>Eileen realized what Sam meant and broke into an even bigger grin, thrusting herself closer to Sam's embrace as he pulled her in for a deep, loving kiss.</p><p>***</p><p>Castiel stood by the lake in which he'd pulled Dean to the surface.</p><p>The water was a deep inky color, infused with silt, dirt, and whatever else lay beneath the surface. The rocks along the edge were all conglomerates. Castiel picked one up, inspecting its various jagged edges and held it up in front of the sun. It sparkled as the light hit whatever minerals made it up.</p><p>He threw it into the water, and it landed with a deep plunk.</p><p>Castiel turned his head at the sound of rapidly approaching footsteps on crunchy leaves. He saw Dean coming to a skidding stop, staring straight at him, and holding his arms out for balance as he paused for a moment.</p><p>"Hello Dean." Castiel said, cocking his head ever so slightly.</p><p>Dean crashed into him but didn't knock him over. Castiel's eyes flew wide as the hunter pulled his body closer, their legs and lower halves touching now. He felt arms throw themselves around him, then clutch his cheek.</p><p>Dean kissed him. Hard, passionately. The hunter's mouth meshed with the angel's as though it was meant to be there all along. Their hot, morning breath cascaded out from behind their lips, and Dean took a few breaths, eyes closed, forehead against Castiel's after releasing Castiel from the kiss.</p><p>"I need to apologize," Dean said. "Before you even say a word, I need to say that I'm genuinely, entirely sorry for all the pain I have caused you. Not just recently, but over the course of the time we've known one another. I was scared of who I was, Cas, but that no excuse to be how I was towards you. All my life, I've been running from this other part of me. A part that I tried so damn hard to repress and squash down and act as though it didn't exist."</p><p>Castiel leaned back ever so slightly to look into Dean's eyes and to process his words.</p><p>"It does exist though," Dean continued. "I'm ready for it to exist before I might never get another chance again. I don't know what's going to happen when we finally meet up again with your dad, but I know damn well I'm gonna fight like hell for this family. For this world, and I want you by my side as I do it."</p><p>"I am by your side Dean," Castiel nodded. "It has been an honor for this short blink in my eternally long existence."</p><p>"You said my soul was an ocean," Dean explained. "I want you to be the biggest drop of all in it. All my life, there have been so many that filled that place, but they weren't like you, Cas. None of them will ever be you."</p><p>Dean stared into beautiful blue.</p><p>"You understand what I'm saying?"</p><p>"I do," Castiel nodded and finally smiled. "I always have. You never had to say it, even though I appreciate you saying it now."</p><p>Dean smirked and captured Castiel's lips again, this time just as the sun had fully risen into the sky and was enveloping them in her powerful, but gentle light.</p><p>A new day had come. A new era.</p><p>Dean was more than ready for it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Read and Review!</p><p>Well, that's it. That's how A Drop Into The Ocean ends! I hope everybody is satisfied with what I have left you with in terms of the ending. I figured the boys deserved just a smidge of happiness before everything ends.</p><p>I do plan on publishing a few more fics here soon. Including my own ending to Supernatural before the actual ending comes out. That will probably be up sometime next week, but perhaps before then. We shall see.</p><p>I'm so glad I was able to turn yet another ONESHOT into a story for y'all and I am eternally grateful for every like, kudos, comment, and PM I have received regarding it. I look forward to hearing from many of you in the future and as always, see you in the next story! ;)</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Read and Review!</p><p>I don't know exactly where this came from. It just popped out of my brain. I have been writing it all day due to being on puppy duty, but here it is. Hope everybody enjoys!</p><p>NOTE: I have decided to write more of this, so ignore the ONESHOT at the beginning of chapter one.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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